Okay, so -- I wanted to post a blog about food obsession. I'm curious to know who else besides me has it.
I'm obsessed with food. Not in the way that I'll sit down and eat the entire contents of my fridge if I'm not on plan, though some people go through that. I've never thought of myself as a binge eater, but I can remember the days when I could order chinese and plow through a pu pu platter, egg drop soup, and an entire order of pad thai. Or order a pizza and eat it all in one sitting. The term "binge eating" never really occurred to me.
I also am not obsessed in the way a bulemic person is, where I eat for the pleasure of it in mass bingeing quantities, and then purge myself so I can do it all again. Nor am I obsessed in the way anorexics can be, limiting myself to a very low number of calories, cutting my food into tiny pieces so it takes longer to eat, and making each meal a ritual.
But, I'm obsessed in probably every other way. I do obsess over the amount of calories I consume. Though it's not my keeping it at 500 calories or less, it's 1400 calories or less. I cringe when I go out to eat because I have no idea how the meal is prepared, and I try to look up nutritional information before I go out so I can choose the lowest calorie option.
I watch movies and television... and I always notice what people are eating. I go to the food court with Dan and watch people and what they order. Skinny people ordering six inch, respectable sub sandwiches, and heavy people ordering pizza, fries, burgers and other "bad" stuff. (Of course, that's not accurate. It's just what I notice when I'm looking through my diet eyes.)
I get really jealous when I see people who are thin, fit, slender, whathaveyou who eat whatever they want. I get jealous when I see people who are on "diets" and have a "cheat day." I get really pissed at Michael Phelps because of his 15,000 calorie diet. Though I'm not jealous of his swimming schedule... just the pure thought of eating all that food and remaining hot makes me think it has to be worth it. It also makes me question whether food and diet can really be 80% of the battle.
I log everything I consume faithfully into my spreadsheets and MyPlate at livestrong.com. I strive for each meal to be as close to 40/30/30 as possible. (40% good carb, 30% fat, 30% protein), or trying to exceed that protein in lieu of fat. I analyze everything I'm eating to make sure it's the healthiest, best option possible. And I do NOT have a "cheat" day. I don't even have a "cheat meal." I don't believe in that. Not right now, at least. I can't have one day of the week where I can eat whatever I want. It'll throw my whole game off balance. And I know when I lost weight on Atkins, I got skinny and thought, "Ooh, good! I can have cheesecake now, I'm hot!" And it all went downhill from there. As far as I see it, for myself, a commitment is a commitment, and I can't achieve my goals without it.
I cook non stop, and have more dishes to wash than I ever thought possible. I struggle to find measuring cups and measuring spoons because I use them every time I make a meal.
I no longer eat the following: White bread, refined sugar, baked goods, ice cream, white noodles, white rice (except for sushi on occasion), regular soda, fast food, fries, any milk other than 1% or skim, chips.
I scoff haughtily at the line I see at the drive through, thinking "Those people are eating so badly" even though myself, I was doing the same thing less than three months ago.
The food obsession can make me feel exhausted, pathetic, desperate, and hopeless sometimes. Other times it makes me feel happy, in control and successful. Sometimes it makes me feel downright full of myself.
I look forward to the ever-balanced day where food is just food. When food is merely fuel, and I mix the types to make the best, ultimate, premium fuel for my premium, muscle building, fat burning furnace of a body.