Monday, November 30, 2009
So, I hope your Thanksgivings were lovely and full of love.
I was supposed to start the 30-Day Shred on Friday but it didn't happen. I have problems with doing the video while Dan is home, so now that he's back to work in the evenings after the holiday, I'm starting tonight.
I have a goal. I did something... I've heard that it's not the best idea to buy goal clothes, but I did it. I found the most amazing dress, and I'm dying to be able to fit into it for New Years.
It's the Alysssa Shirtdress from Delia's! They come in teal (below,) natural, purple and dark blue and from sizes 00 to 13/14. :)
The size is a 9/10, which is:
Bust: 36 (Current: 39.5)
Waist: 28 (Current: 30)
Hips: 38 (Current: 39)
It'll require me to lose 2 inches in my waist, 3.5 inches off of my chest and 1 inch off of my hips. I think I can do it!
So, it starts tonight. I'll let you all know how it goes!
On another note, I'd like to thank all of you lovelies for encouraging me to do the NaNoWriMo project. I crossed the finish line around 5 this morning, and hit the 50,066 word mark. Woo-hoo!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Now, all about our Thanksgiving!
First: I called my Dad and told him how I was all sad that I didn't wake up to my Mother coming into my room with Tom the Turkey and asking me to give it a good luck spank. My parents did pizza and football for Thanksgiving this year, so my Dad said, "Well, the only thing we're spanking here is the pepperoni." I laughed, but asked him to never say that ever again.
Then: I decided on what to wear. A dress I bought but couldn't fit into until now!
And Then: We took some pretty pictures after we ate some yummy food. I stuck to the plate rule and I had one bite's worth of each kind of pie (pumpkin, cherry and pecan.) I didn't feel deprived, I wasn't uncomfortably full and it was enjoyable! :)
Dan and I:
Me with Dan's beautimus sister:
We Also: Did a gift card and ornament exchange and I scored Starbucks. WOO HOO! Oh, and we showed the family our latest holiday photos, and they were a big hit. :)
After all the food was put away and we were all hanging around, I had to pee. I went down the fancy hallway, into the fancy bathroom and I did my tinkle business. Right across from the toilet, these folks had a big gold cross on the wall with a sign that said, "Everything happens for a reason. Just believe." They are pretty religious folks. So I was staring at this cross for a few minutes and then I reached over to grab some toilet paper. This is what I saw:
I looked at the toilet paper and then I looked at the big gold cross. I looked closer. It was a frickin' J-C.
I'm sitting there on the verge of drip drying, trying to figure out why the hell anyone would put Jesus Christ's initials on their toilet paper. Yes, I understand folks being really, really religious, but wouldn't that totally be... like, seriously, seriously blasphemous? I started to freak out and think I would go to hell if I used this toilet paper.
I sucked it up and turned it inside out when I wiped. I said a little apology prayer as I flushed, and then I went out into the living room. I asked Dan to go into the bathroom and tell me what the heck was on the toilet paper.
He took one look and said, "H."
Yeah. Apparently I'm a moron. It's an "H" for their last name.
Hope you all had the best Thanksgivings yet! Tomorrow? Get ready to rock the 30-Day Shred!!!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Jillian Michaels, of The Biggest Loser, is a crazy awesome personal trainer, body burning, muscle ripping, fat melting genius. Well, that's my opinion, at least. She put out a video called the 30-Day Shred. She says you can lose up to 30 pounds doing the video in one month. So. I got it, and haven't actually DONE it. Like, done it 30 days running. And I'd like to.
Don't be scurred. There are 3 different levels, so if you're not a fitness buff (as I am totally not either) you can still do the vid and then increase your level as you get stronger!
I got mine at Amazon.com, and you'll probably find a good deal there or on eBay. YAY!
Well, my first piece of advice to you guys should have been... DON'T go shopping the day before Thanksgiving, because it's a mad-house. But, I made that mistake today and it's too late anyway.
BUT. What I can do, since some of you have asked, is give you guys some tips on how to avoid overdoing it at Thanksgiving Dinner tomorrow!
1. Remember that it's a Holiday, and it's OKAY to have a little bit of a treat. In fact, MizFit says it's okay to go for it and enjoy yourself, so if you don't feel like stressing out, skip the next 7 things I'm going to say and visit her blog for some other good tips for Turkey Day! (Everyone should do that anyway.)
2. Remember that a little bit of a treat is something like one piece of pie. Not the WHOLE pie. Pumpkin is the healthiest option, as opposed to apple, cherry or mincemeat. :)
3. Keep in mind the plate trick: Fill half your plate with salad, 1/4 with meat, 1/4 with starch. For me I do stuffing because it's my favorite. If you want a taste of everything, do tiny portions of each (stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes) but don't go past that 1/4 of your plate.
4. White meat is leaner than dark meat, and don't eat the skin! :)
5. Don't forget to drink lots of water.
6. Pass on the Eggnog. Just one 8 ounce serving of regular Eggnog has around 343 calories! If you can't say no, drink a lite Eggnog, and only fill up the glass half-way. Then fill the remaining half of the glass with skim milk. You'll get the taste of the egg nog and you won't overdo the liquid calories.
7. Eat a little bit before you go to dinner so you won't be tempted to overdo it.
8. When you're doing the horderves ahead of time, stick to raw veggies, take it easy on the dip and go for lean meats like turkey.
Don't forget about your pets. Give them a special treat or a funny hat or something.
Smoke a pipe or drink some coffee! Okay, that's not exactly healthy, but I can't say not to do it if you wanna do it.
Drink in moderation. Your family is watching, people.
And above all,remember to have fun, and that it's okay to be cheesy! It's the holidays! Hug people. Tell your family and friends you love them. Wear a terrible sweater if you want to. Play with the kids. Shave off your beard to only show a really awful mustache. Okay, well don't do that one, but ...Live it up!!!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
So, I'd LOVE to hear from any of you who have done it, and what your experience was. What'd ya lose? Inches? Pounds? Gain muscle definition? Get more energy?
Today Dan and I had dinner with his family and stopped by the studio to get some of our winter clothes out of storage. I found a fabulous pair of brown corduroy pants I haven't worn in years, and I went ahead and grabbed them along with a few other dresses, skirts and shirts. I decided to try on the pants when I got home, and voila! They fit! Now these pants are made with a kind of stretchy material and the front buttons looked a little angry, but dammit, they fit. I made Dan take a picture of me being all goofy happy with the pants on for you all to see! :)
Someone asked what size they are. They're a brand called "Silver Jeans" and say 33/33 on the tag. I used to wear these when I was a size 10 and they were slightly loose on me, but still a comfortable fit. Tonight they're pretty tight, but ya know!
My measurements as of this morning are:
Oh! And yes, that's the green sweater I found at the thrift store, and yes it's one of my favorites now. Best $2.36 I ever spent!
I also got some weight loss compliments from the family and it made my freakin' day. Dan's brother in law (who is gorgeous, and totally a fitness nut) said, "You look great!" It meant a lot to me because I always consider him to be soooooo into fitness, and I felt really slovenly around him. It was always in the back of my head that he'd look at me and think, "tsk, tsk, tsk!" Though he's always sweet and very nice... it just meant a lot. Dan's Mom said, "I told him that you should always tell a woman she looks great and ask if she's losing weight, 'cause even if she's not it'll make her feel good!" I'm not sure that works for everyone, but it made me feel good because I happen to be losing weight.
I was at the bar a few weeks ago with Dan and his friend Dustin.
We were hanging out and Dustin said, "You know you're looking really good Jenn. When I was here last (a year ago) you were looking kind of..." and he made a round gesture with his hands. A girl at the bar with us gasped and said, "Hey! That's not very nice." I'm sure some people could have gotten offended at that, but I took it as a compliment and said, "No, no, I appreciate the honesty." I wonder if I would have appreciated the honesty if he'd said I was looking (round gesture) while I still looked (round gesture.)
Well! Just wanted to give you guys a quicky update. Tomorrow I will be blogging about Thanksgiving and how to deal with the eminent mountains of food!
Friday, November 20, 2009
I think most of us don't.
I checked out the kick-ass MizFit's Exposed blog entry a few days ago and saw that it was inspired by my beautiful friend Michelle's awesomegoodness post over at Eating Journey. (go check them both out now, I'll wait...)
Michelle posted that entry with the Exposed Blogger movement info in it quite some time ago and I saw it at that point, and said, "Hmm, this is freaking awesome, but I don't think I'm going to participate," and I hid back under my desk and drank some more Diet Coke. When I looked again I noticed that she linked back to our gorgeous friend Esther and the blog entry she did about the Naked Truth. In that entry, she said she was inspired by me, my honesty and all that stuff.
So round about, I somehow inspired some people and I am lamely not even participating in the movement.
That, my friends? Is bull puckey.
You guys all know by now that I'm not easily embarrassed by much, I struggle to find topics for TMI Thursday because I'm just not that easily humiliated. I post pictures of my butt in old man undies and I show photos of my trying to squeeze into a size 8 pair of jeans unsuccessfully. But what is a real challenge for me (besides working out regularly or saying "no" to the piece of pie I ate today, more on that later,) is taking a candid look at my body and finding things to love about it.
So, it's obvious I've got to do it. I'll first thank these three ladies (MizFit, Michelle, Esther) for being ballsy babes and inspiring me to take a Loving Look at myself for once. ((hugs.))
Without further ado, I give to you, my Body Love.
So. What do you love about YOUR body?
Oh. And yes, to confirm your suspicion, the placement of John Mayer's name was TOTALLY intentional. ;)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Here we go!
We all know that losing weight has some serious advantages. We also know that losing weight makes finding new clothes that fit challenging. I did a blog post on the clothing issue a while back, but the other issue I'm running into now is...
It starts slow. The panties start to ride up and try to sneak into my butt. I pull them back into place and move on with my day. Then it just starts to get totally out of control. They fully have NO interest staying where they should stay. They flop around and bag out and pooch over the top of my jeans.
Don't believe me? Good. I have photographic proof. 'Cause I asked Dan to take pictures of my ridiculous ass, and he was laughing SO hard while taking these photos, I can't even explain it to you. He just kept saying, "It looks so funny! What do you have?" And I'd say, "Giant panties" and he would just laugh and blow snot and spit everywhere from guffawing and I'd say, "TAKE the damn pictures already!
If you don't want to see my saggie baggies just turn away now.
And the coup de gras:
Frack. I REALLY need some new skivvies. I mean, seriously. It looks like I have a giant dump of white poo in my drawers.
And this couldn't have come at a better time. Our very favorite Cutefaced, Rum-Lovin' Insatiable Host is starting a really fun project called The Panty Pyramid.
I'm out to get me some new undies, y'all. It's time I took care of myself by losing weight, yes, but also by remembering to do things like... get a pedicure, and pluck my damn eyebrows, and buy pretty underthings that fit me.
That goes for you all, too.
Last season I was totally inspired by Tara. She was super athletic, won tons of challenges, and was never in the bottom two. She kicked super ass. As a reminder, here is the lovely Tara's before and afters:
But this year, Rebecca is my inspiration. She's my height, 5'6. (Well, I've got 1/2 an inch on her, but it's basically the same.)
Starting weight: 257 pounds.
Current weight: 157 pounds.
She looks like a movie star now! I can't believe her body. It's AMAZING.
Yes, she cried a lot. Yes, she said "I don't want to just be a pretty face" a lot. Yes, she bugged me sometimes during the show. But when I saw her on Leno tonight, I cried. She ran the half marathon and I cried. She's in love with Daniel, and I cried. I freaking love her.
And here's the thing. I have my ultimate goal weight set at 140. That would mean that I'd be weighing 17 pounds less than she does in the after photos up there. That seems like it's a little unnecessary. I'm taking a second to really think about why I chose that number. It just seemed like a good number, I guess. Is it about a size? Is it about having skinny legs? Is it about becoming some magical number I think is acceptable at 5'6.5"? I don't know.
I do think she looks so good because of her being SO toned. We all know that a pound of muscle is smaller than a pound of fat, so she could be 157 and fitting into a size six, where I could be 157 and fit into a size 10. That might be why I want the 140 number, since I could conceivably lazily diet into that size instead of work my ass off to become a 157-pound size six. But... at this point I'm going to just take it a little easier on myself and go by the feel of things.
And now that I think about it, it amazes me that I'm only 21 pounds away from 157. Holy crap. And it shames me a bit that my arms will look NOTHING like hers. I feel like doing push ups. Lots of them.
The funny thing is that the BMI scale says that for a female weighing 157 pounds at 5'6" is a BMI of 25.3, and means they would still "overweight." Take it from the example of Rebecca that the BMI scale should NOT be your only way of measuring success or health.
Does she look overweight to any of you???
Monday, November 16, 2009
Click here to watch/join/enter with the Bloggerhood of the Traveling Not So Fat Pants! We're giving away a size 18 pair of jeans. The idea is, if you're a size 18, enter. Then you get the jeans. Then you use them as motivation to get too skinny for the jeans. Then, after two months, you pass 'em along to someone else, and hopefully they're baggy on you.
Also, don't forget about the awesome LA Boxing giveaway, you only have two more days left to enter! :)
Sunday, November 15, 2009
SO... I'm passing the opportunity along to you guys! If any of you would like one month of free classes and gym access to this kick-ass place, please enter the contest! Please check HERE to make sure there's an LA Boxing in your area before entering. Also PLEASE keep in mind: This prize is for one month of classes and gym access at LA Boxing. Should you win, you will need to write about the experience and send your write-up to me so I can put it on my blog.
I'm choosing a winner on Wednesday!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Today I FINALLY dipped down under the 180's. I weighed in at 179.2 (so yes, obviously, I've been poopin' again.)
Erm, ya. Sorry about my ridiculous toenails. That, my friends, is what a pedicure from MARCH looks like. Yeah. That's that really incredible Chinese nail polish. Just nuts awesome sticks on your toenails and wont' go anywhere stuff. I seriously need a pedicure. I'm so stinkin' lazy.
Anyway! I get to relish in these now, from the ever lovely Scale Junkie:
45 Pounds lost:
Which also means 3.21 Stone, just for my Brit friends:
And as of today, that means 20% of my total body weight is gone!
Holy crap. 20%? WOW! That's just nuts.
Just had to share my happy excitement with you all.
So yeah, of course I was feelin' kind of thinner last night and started crunching some numbers as USUAL. If I ever have trouble falling asleep I just fall into weight loss fantasies and it slips me right to sleep. So I've got six weeks before I go back to Denver (remind me again why I measure my weight loss by visits home...) - and I want to lose 15 pounds by then. That's a little less than 3 pounds a week. I think I can!
Well, I need to push it into high gear, 'cause I've been losing around 1 pound a week lately and that crap just isn't going to fly. If things continue at that rate I won't reach my goal until July 30th of 2010. No thank you. (Although being thin enough to wear shorts when it's hot will be hawt) I still want to get the weight off as soon as possible.
So, I've identified my areas of weakness and here they are for you all to scrutinize:
1. TOO MANY CARBS. (I feel like we've been here before...)
2. Nibbles of treats = too many carbs anyway (aka: a bite of Dan's oatmeal cookie, etc)
3. Not enough fiber. I'll be eating more salads, thank you.
and the one I don't want to add, but I'm going to so I can be totally honest:
4. No physical activity except for sex and an occasional Zumba. And carrying groceries and crap up and down the stairs, and laundry. Which doesn't really count. I'm a lazy slothful sloth and I HATE WORKING OUT.
On another note, I tried Nutella for the first time. Oh. Sweet. Heavens. ...I should have saved myself the $3.33, 'cause it's in the cupboard calling to me right now. NO, Nutella! Die! I'm going to put you in the trash! ... Okay, I won't, but seriously. Please don't torture me. I thought peanut butter was difficult enough to deal with. Now I have daydreams of Nutella and banana crepes.
Another thing: Have you guys SEEN the "side salad" at Applebees? 'Cause it's totally huge. There is nothing "side" about this thing.
And who puts bacon on a SIDE salad anyway? Vegetarians will order a side salad and not think they need to ask, "Hey, does this come with pig flesh on it?" - I think they need to re-think their side salad antics. Until then, I'm eating at CHILI's.
And last but not least, I'm sharing with you guys the most de-freakin-licious salad I've ever made:
Grilled chicken, grilled asparagus on top of mixed greens and slices of red bell pepper tossed in a light sun dried tomato dressing! YUM!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
But have no fear. I'm going to let it rip this week with a way, way, WAY TMI Thursday.
I'm six or seven years old. We're living in the same house as we did during the poop paint incident. I have an obsession and fascination with all things "grown up," and particularly with all things "Mom." As most young girls, I am intrigued by lipstick and dresses and heels and all the little schniblits of womanhood I find in my Mom's drawers. Well, this day I decide to go through the cabinets in the bathroom.
I find all kinds of stuff I've seen before: toilet paper, cleaning supplies, creams and ointments, etc. One thing I find, I'm not quite sure what it is, but I know it's distinctly Mom.
A box of tampons.
I pull one out and I have no clue what it is or what it does or what it's for. I immediately stuff it into my pocket and run down the hall into my room. I shut myself inside and sit on the bed. I pull the tampon out of my pocket and I look at it.
What the crap is this thing?
I open the paper and pull out this weird cardboard contraption with a string on it. I'm pretty sure it goes into a person but I have no idea how, or where it's supposed to go. I figure if it was meant for the ears or nose I would have seen it by now, so I determine it has to go somewhere down there. Now, I consider my girlie-bits to be an off-limits, no touchie zone. I certainly don't think anything goes IN there, 'cause it's covered up all the time, and nothing comes OUT of there. Because I'm six.
It's obvious then. This tampon thing goes in my butt.
I'm really quiet and listen hard to make sure nobody is coming up the stairs or in the hallway. Coast clear. I pull down my pants and underwear. I get into a squatkneelbootieout type of position, still on the bed, all wobbly, and I try to put the tampon in my butt.
I get nowhere. I try again, and it kind of hurts. I push a little more and it stays sorta in there. So I'm squatkneeling there with this thing in my butt, and I DO NOT GET IT. I wait another few seconds and then declare to myself, "This is dumb," and pull it out. I pull up my pants and wrap the tampon up in a bunch of tissue paper and throw it away in my bedroom trash can.
I have never told anyone about this. You guys should really, really feel special.
So. Don't put tampons in your butt. That's not what they're for.
Unless you're taking Alli.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
And now for some videos. The camera adds 10 pounds, or so they say... For the first video I'm about to show you guys, I wanted to believe the camera added 50 pounds.
I've had a few moments of pseudo 5-minutes-of-fame type of things. I got to do a promo video for my favorite news station in Denver, Channel 7. I sent their weather man, Mike Nelson, a letter about how he was awesome and I remembered him doing a presentation on weather balloons for my 2nd grade class. The news team contacted me and asked if I would do a little interview spot. So, I did it. Here's one of the clips... I was probably at my high, or close to my high weight of 225 here:
I also was on Gimme the Mike in Denver. I wanted to show you how much freakin' thinner I was! It's amazing ... watching yourself back on video is so strange. And it really put me face to face with my weight gain. The HI-LARIOUS thing about this is right at the beginning of the clip I'm showing you guys, I say, "hopefully I haven't gained too much weight since high school," and it was after they asked if people from my home town would recognize me. The funny thing is that I knew I was thinner than my Senior year. Gah for trying to be funny, 'cause now that just pisses me off... Anyhoodle! Here is my favorite out-take clip from the raw promo footage, and the little bio they had me do. This was five years ago.
Hopefully I'll get pseudo-five-minutes-of-fame-or-more soon and will have another video to show you when I lose my last 40 pounds. :)
And now that I think about it, I'm sure I'll get comments like, "You sing?" Well, sort of. I sing in the car now. I used to sing in high school, it's all I did. These days I don't really sing at all except by myself, although I LURVE some karaoke. I'll show you a shnippet of one of the performances so you all can see. And mainly, it's to show you this freakin' dress I could fit into... I think it was a generic size medium from some random mall store. I was probably around 155-ish at this point. If that's the case, I'd like to be 10-15 pounds lighter than I am in this video as my ultimate goal weight, for a visual. And check it out, people: No bra. I was so much smaller then, holy crap. Tiny boobies.
Oh, and sorry the clip is so oddly edited. Windows Movie Maker sucks my balls. I'm getting new software, 'cause this is the only splicing of the clip it'd let me do. SuckMcSuckerson.
Adios for now!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Okay. I drank some pumpkin beer and had cheese and crackers yesterday. Other than that, it was a pretty normal day. Does beer solidify once it hits your colon? What else did I eat... I had a big bowl of cereal for breakfast. I had a chicken onion 6" sub and some chicken noodle soup for lunch. The cheese and crackers was for dinner. Oh, no... wait. It was a baked potato with margarine and salsa. Seriously, that's all I had. Could it honestly be that I have almost five pounds of food still in my stomach/intestines? I've never weighed poop before. That just seems ridiculous.
I'm pretty serious about this, you guys. I didn't poop yesterday so this has to be it. Unless you can gain five pounds in two days. ...I'm drinking some Starbucks coffee in about an hour, so that should help ...things along.
I need to go buy salad. I haven't had salad in like, a week.
...I share too much with you people. Maybe this should have been a TMI Thursday.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Sorry I've been crap for crap with updating my blog recently. I've been wrapped up in NaNoWriMo, on vacation with my family and came home to jump feet first into a wedding.
Weight updates: I weighed in yesterday at 180.6. I'm .6 pounds away from reaching that 45 pound weight loss button!
I have been getting the weight loss compliments, and that always makes me feel good. And I finally am starting to see the body changes for myself. I'm also getting hit on more, which makes me believe I'm looking better. I'm pretty much in 12's now.
Today Dan and I enjoyed the first Saturday off I've had in quite some time, and it was awesome. Went out with some friends after the wedding yesterday... overall it's been really nice. I feel strange now that I basically have four months off. I do have some finishing of wedding work to do (editing photos, designing albums, etc) and some consultations for 2010 and 2011 weddings. But other than that it's a lot of free time. November will be lots of writing. After that, I want to start shooting live music.
Gah, this is totally a "nothing" post. I suck.
I'll post something cool soon. In the mean time, click HERE for photos from the wedding!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
First of all: I got the footie pajamas at Target last year. I don't know if they still have some, but that's where you should start the hunt. :)~
So... I had a really great TMI Thursday for today. Such a good one, in fact, that it involved pictures. And I'm really sad to report that I cannot post my TMI entry because I'm a giant douche and left my camera cord connected to my Mom's computer when I left Denver today. CRAP.
So, just consider the title today to be a long range teaser for next week's TMI Thursday. If you're in the groovy mood for some horribly funny TMI stories, be sure to click on the button for LiLu's blog.
What I WILL give you in its place is more of a personal TMI Thursday, and not quite so funny. In reality I lived through my own personal TMI Tuesday this week, and it was absolutely ridiculous. I can't go into details, but it involved my drinking an entire bottle of wine, plus two beers and another glass and a half of wine. I remember why I don't drink like that anymore... I felt like I was going to die Wednesday morning, both from the pure amount of humiliation I went through the night before in my willingness to tell every last secret I freakin' have when I'm drinking, and also from the hangoverfromhell. I actually kind of felt like I might crap my pants. I sort of wanted it to happen just so I'd have a good story for you all, but I honestly don't love you guys that much.
You all know I've been doing NaNoWriMo, and I promised you a snippet of the book. Those of you who are on NaNoWriMo as my buddy might have already read the excerpt on my profile. What I'm sharing here is a different piece (actually just the first part of the first chapter) and it's totally my favorite. I have read and re read this about thirty times, and I'm really happy with it. I hope you enjoy. The emotional shit storm I'm in so far this month had better be worth it. I've cried more and felt sicker than I thought possible. Writing is a bitch.
Excerpt: The Panderings of a Compulsive Obsessor
Nobody knows, but I still stalk the old place I first met him. The perfect time for my neurotic haunting is always around 3am, when the silence of midnight consumes me and I can’t shut out the sound of myself. My heart starts to murmur the quiet ticking of our times together and I begin to itch for more pain. I want to feel it fully. I want to own it deep inside my muscle fibers and push it out through my pores. I want it to make me sick, so I drive to the place where it all began.
It’s the same every time. I park my Dad’s truck outside the church, and I can’t get out for a few minutes. I stare out through the windshield and remember my life ten years ago. I slip into character actor methods, except I’m doing it to become me, then. I shrink back to my seventeen year old self and swathe in insecurity, anger, confusion, naivety and boredom. I feel deliriously nauseous each time, and it’s twisted. Delicious. It takes a while, but eventually I drag myself out of the buttoned up cab of the truck, and into the blanketed pin drop of night. The sound of my shoes on the gravel in the parking lot is so loud I startle myself. I’m always nervous that someone will see me there, catch me being a freak in the middle of the night and ask what the hell I’m doing lurking on church property. Or, I think the Pastor will come out and ask if I’m okay, if I need someone to talk to. I wouldn’t know how to answer that question, but I’d probably lie. He wouldn’t be interested in hearing my crap, and he most certainly couldn’t help me anyway.
Sitting on the high-backed wooden bench on the entry patio, I looked up. Thinking about it now, it’s strange enough that I looked up at all, because seeing folks shuffling in and out through the unbecoming mahogany doors was pretty standard for a typical youth group evening. And yet there he was. A wind of intrigue blew over me. Guy was gorgeous. He was sheepish, boyish, radiant, trendy. Fucking adorable. His thick black hair was spiked and added at least four or five inches to his medium height. His jeans were split at the seams just high enough to fit over his combat boots. Purely based on his appearance he seemed haughty, rebellious and indifferent. I wasn’t quite sure what to think because he was best friends with my high school crush, a person who I could have gleefully watched go face first through a meat grinder. Despite that, I was sure Guy had to be better than his choice of friends. There was just something about him I could not resist. I felt the obsession begin. The small pang inside my chest quickened my breathing. My eyes darted. The fidgets began and I couldn’t sit still. Where did he go? Must follow. Black shirt. Black hair. And soon, the warbling of: Find him now find him now get him gorgeous stranger mine he’ll be mine he’s mine. I’d hear it for ten years, and though the words changed, the deranged droning never wavered.
And there it is. Every time I go there, I relive that tiny, nothing moment. That six seconds. Those three steps. The fleeting swinging of giant doors. It changed my life forever.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Well, I wanted to give you a quick update here before I get going on my day. I weighed in at 182.2 which is .2 lbs higher than Thursday, but still lower than before I left Milwaukee. I also started my period yesterday, so I'm blamin' it on that, and thinking I'm actually a little lighter when it's all said and done. ;)
I actually started writing last night for NaNoWriMo. I hit 1411 words, which is really making me happy right now. I just got out of the shower and I'm going to go blow dry my hair, slap some makeup on my face and cart my laptop over to Starbucks to write some more.
I actually "technically" am not doing NaNoWriMo the way it's supposed to be done. They consider a novel to be a work of fiction. I'm writing a memoir and fictionalizing it a bit. I'm what's known as a "NaNo Rebel." Yeah... I'm okay with that. And since some of you have asked, the title is (currently): The Panderings of a Compulsive Obsessive. I'll share an excerpt with you guys soon!
So for those of you doing this, what's your goal? Do you want to get published? Do you think you could get published? Or are you doing it just for the thrill of "I did it!"? Personally, I can't do anything without thinking... HUGE. As I'm writing this, I'm thinking of what questions I might be asked in a book interview. Or by a reader. At least I have a while to come up with some answers.
Anyone know a good agent? ;)
Oh. And here's a picture of me and my Mom in our matching monkey footie pajamas. :) Speaking of writers, she's the best one I know. She's already written a novel (a real one, my favorite book ever, and no it's not because she's my Mother and I'm biased, it's because the book is fucking amazing. Sorry Mom, it deserved the "fucking" before amazing, 'cause it is.) and she's working on her second now.
*Note: Thanks so much for all the interest in my Mom's book! Her first novel has not been published yet, so I can't plug it for you guys to go pick it up. But I can guarantee as soon as it does get published, I'll be sharing the crap out of it!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
NaNoWriMo.org... I'm "jennybeanjcb" if you guys want a writing buddy. I don't know what that means, I just know some of you have offered yourselves up as writing buddies. So, we should all be buddies. Though I should probably write the story with a pen name. I can't tell you details yet. I'd have to kill you.
Oh, and follow me on twitter too, (ExHotGirl).
Now that that's out of the way... some photos from Halloween! :)
One of my best friends, Jesse, decided to dress up as Julia Child! He won the costume contest, and left the bar with $300 in his pocket! Here's Jesse pre-makeup!
Here he is in costume:
I was so proud, I could have spit on a stranger:
Dan and I at the hotel getting ready:
Us at the bar trying to look all in character and stuff:
Me with Wes (Swish Embassy):
A few pics from the night:
Us with Junior from Reno 911!
My friend Jon and his girl Mal... or should I say, dead Waldo and the zombie that ate his face:
How was YOUR Halloween?!?? :)