Best of 2009: Part 2.

So, it's about that time. I'm hanging out with a few friends and we are counting down the minutes until we get to dress up and go out. I have never celebrated New Years Eve downtown before, so I'm really excited!

If you're in Denver, remember that RTD is offering all of its services for free after 7pm. Don't be stupid. Don't drink and drive. Let RTD be your designated driver! If you're not in Denver, you might look around to see if some similar offer is being made in your city. If not, just remember: If you can afford to go out and drink, you can afford cab fare. :)

So! I wanted to wrap up the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge (#Best09) in a huge post here. Aaaaand, we're off!

Best Place: Hmm. Well, I guess it's Starbucks. I mean, this doesn't say best "new" place, so I'm going with my favorite place to hang, drink coffee, and write a shit ton. I love you, Starbucks.

New Food: I seriously don't think I tried any new foods this year. Dan and I started to do a ton of shish-kabobs, so maybe that can go here. :)

Best Change Made to the Place You Live: Well, I moved from Denver to Milwaukee at the end of 2008, but this year was the first full year I had in Milwaukee. It was good for business, it's a cool city and it was overall a positive thing. I miss my friends and family, but I'm excessively lucky that I get to go home as much as I do!

Best Rush: Printing off the first set of manuscript copies, and that was a few days ago. Of course there were a few amazing moments in my life this year, but that one definitely got my heart pumping.

Best Packaging: This one goes hands down to Mode Merr. They sent me my boutique dress and it was packaged so gorgeously, I was blown away!

Tea of the Year: Venti Starbucks Coffee.

Word or Phrase: 2009 was Obvi Totes McGotes. Yeah, I have no idea.

Shop: Umm, can I answer Starbucks to every question? 'Cause that's probably where I spent most of my money. In reality, I really love Old Navy... and I suck and don't shop any cool boutiques or vintagey places. I spend lots of money on coffee though. And on John Mayer tickets.

Car Ride: Hmm. When I was driving around LA with my fellow photogs, that was pretty awesome. Sweet weather, driving through a big city I didn't know... it was gorgeous.

New Person: Julia Goulia! I love her. She's my new BFF. She sort of saved my life. I'm really happy she's in my world now.

Project: Nanowrimo. Obvi.

Startup: Well, this is kind of a hard question. The only thing I can think of is Mode Merr. Though I found them late, I'll be buying from them often!

Web Tool: Twitter. I didn't really start using it until this year, and it's been awesome for the expansion and sharing of blogs as well as sharing some of my photography stuff!

Learning Experience: I don't know that I've fully learned any lesson. The ones I'm still working on are: Letting go, forgiveness for myself and for others, finding balance and being good to myself. I'm in repair.

Gift you gave yourself: The trust in myself to just DO what I need to do. Move, write, push myself... and also, permission to fuck up.

Insight or Aha! Moment: Coming back from vacation and finding myself immediately determined to lose the weight. It was all uphill from there, but it was damn worth it.

Social Web Moment: Finding out that Esther from Faint Starlite lived in Milwaukee, and getting to meet her, her husband and their baby.

Stationary: I honestly don't have a stationary find this year. I've never been much of a stationary type person. :)

Laugh: Aw man! I know I had some incredible ones, but I seriously can't figure out which one was the best one! I know that reading all of the TMI Thursdays is the best thing for my tummy laughin' and it is a blast.

Ad: Hmm. Apparently I suck at this because I can't remember one advertisement that stuck with me.

Resolution you wish you'd stuck with: I'm not one for making New Years Resolutions. I want to be on a constant journey of bettering myself and I don't want my resolutions to come only once a year. :)


SO! Here's to wishing you all a fabulous New Years! I'm gonna go get gussied up and hit the town. :)

New Years: The Dress.

Hello everyone!

I'm sorry for the lack in updating. Going home for the holidays involves lots of visits and seeing friends and drinking and such. So! I thought I'd swing by and update y'all with some photos and stuff.

Firstly I wanted to answer some questions I've gotten:

Q. Your brother is quite good-looking. Is he single?
A: YES! And he's a dental hygienist, plays guitar and is generally the most awesome person ever. ;)

Q: Would you please in your next blog tell us HOW you were able to resist temptation? What was your mindset? When was the last time you fell off the wagon - and how did you get back on? You're so unbelievably inspiring.
A: Wow, great question. And thank you. So, when I get it set in my mind that I'm on a diet plan, that's what I stick with. I've mentioned it in several blog posts before, but I'm sort of a freak of nature because I don't do "cheat" days or "holidays." For me, every day is just another day of putting into my body what's good for it, and every "cheat" thing I eat is just a step backwards from the goal I have in mind. Now, everyone is different, and I totally, TOTALLY advocate taking a bit of time off or enjoying a slice of pie during Christmas with your family. For me? I'm just a little insane, that's all. The last time I fell off the wagon? Well, I had about 1/2 cup of stuffing because it's my favorite food on earth. I just had to decide if I wanted sugar or stuffing, and stuffing won. I'll admit I was feeling guilty after I ate it, but I just have to move on and remind myself that 1/2 cup of stuffing is no big freakin' deal. But, since starting back on a lower carbohydrate diet, I haven't cheated. My cravings for sugar and carbs completely have subsided. :)

And drumroll please...


Current weight: 169.6! I finally got out of the 170's. YAY! So, that also means I get this little beauty from the awesome Scale Junkie Healthy You Challenge website:

Okay, picture time! :)

My friend Rico and I:





My favorite photo from the night; me with all four of my closest friends from High School. These guys are my oldest friends in the world and I love them!!





We're so tough, you don't know how tough we are.




Yeah, okay, we are total goofballs.




Me with my good friend Dan:

Okay! So, next bit of news for you guys. So, you know how the dress... THE dress was too small in the arms, right? So, I ordered the next size up and they overnighted it to me. Well, it was STOLEN from my parents front porch. Huge freakin' bummer. So, today my Mom and I went New Years dress shopping. I've never spent so much money trying to get a damn dress.

First I thought I'd update you all - my waist no longer hangs over the skinny jeans. Today I wore them without boots and was totally comfortable. Woo-hoo!

Anyhoo! This was the first one I tried on. Love it, but it was strapless and I didn't know how I felt about that. Plus it was a little big in the boob area and though the poof was cute on the bottom, it might have annoyed me or flattened over the course of the night.





This one we totally fell in love with but it was a 10 and just a bit too tight. :( We looked and apparently the dress was totally sold out in size 12 in every Macy's in the state!




Here's the one I chose! It's one-shouldered, which I have a serious fetish for, and it's still got the length of an old fashioned dress. I was so excited! I got the last size 12 left, they had to pull it off of the mannequin, but that meant an extra 10% discount on top of the 30% discount sale they were having. The dress is normally $138 but I got it for $86 or so. :) YAY!

~Jenn

Cookies and Cakes and Pies, Oh My!

Yeah, Christmas, for some reason, tends to be wayyyy more food staring me in the face than Thanksgiving.

I'll back up. I hope you guys had a kick ass Christmas and got to spend some lovely time with your families. :)

So, Dan's family is pretty large, and this year we had 14 people for Christmas Eve morning before I flew out to Denver. All through the kitchen and dining room, this is what I saw:






Wanna know how many cookies I ate? Zero.

This is what I ate instead:



Here are a few photos of me with my family:

Me with my Aunt:


My parents:


My brother and I:




Oh, also? The dress didn't fit. The new dress. So, I ordered another one a size up and I'm begging them to overnight it to me. GRRR!!

Holiday Talent and Hats and Goats!!!

Happy Holidays, guys!

For more fun videos, check out MizFit's talent show: HERE!

A Hole in my Face and a Dress.

Firstly: Thank you guys so much for all your sweet comments on my last post. You spoil me and I don't deserve you.

Secondly: I put a hole in my face today:


Thirdly: I got the dress. You know... THE dress. The dress I've been dying to wear and all freaked about the measurements and really wanting to wear for New Years.



So... here's the deal. It "fits," but it doesn't FIT. It's tight across the ole' boobies... so it sort of felt like I was going to rip it when I was pulling it over my head. it's a high waist so the hip/waist measurements didn't really affect my ability to zip it. Just my ta-ta's and back.



So, the thing they should start putting on the freakin' measurements is the ARM measurements. 'Cause my arms are too big for this dress. Yes, technically, I squished them through the holes, but when I took the dress off after having it on for ten minutes, I had red lines. Obvious ones. Red, red lines around each of my biceps.

Needless to say I'm not wearing the dress for New Years. :( I mean, I COULD, but then I'd lose all feeling in my arms and they'd probably fall off. Plus because of how tight the dress is on top, it sort of makes my boobs look like downward facing dogs.


BUT! It's okay. Thanks to my favorite fabulous New Yorker, Bitch Cakes, I found Mode Merr, the most awesome and gorgeous dress place, ever. I ordered this dress immediately, and they're going to expedite it to me so I have it for New Years.



The thing about it? I love this dress more than the other one. <3

Muah!
~Jenn

Feeling Beautiful.

Hello my lovelies.

So, after my episode with the scale having sent me into a spiraling, ridiculous depression, I wanted to do a little blog post about feeling beautiful. 'Cause, damn, it's difficult. So many things can get us down, and it usually starts with the scale, at least for me it does. And then we can start picking ourselves apart. The way our pants fit, or if our skin is breaking out, or if our hair is as dry as straw, or the way a stranger looks at us.

I took the time today to go get my hair done. It wasn't anything crazy, it wasn't a full spa day. I still need a manicure and pedicure desperately and my skin is dry as all getout. I'm pre-menstrual and I've got a break-out on my face, and I'm retaining water. But? After I got my hair done, I got home and decided to take a photo of myself.

I was pretty happy with it, but not ecstatic. Then, I figured I should put it side by side with one I took before I lost weight.

You guys? In this moment, I feel beautiful.



For me, it's a reminder to take the bad days in stride, and I seriously need to stop letting the scale run my life. I don't know if I can throw it out or hide it yet, but I'm getting there. So when Dan picks me up and tells me I'm hot, or if my hair dresser says, "Hey Gorgeou-ass!" I'm gonna smile and say, "Aw, thank you!" I am going to take it to heart and know that I am beautiful.

And dammit, the scale can suck my nuts.

But maybe it's all fake because the scale was back down today, you were all correct. 172.2 as of this morning. But I'm going to say, NAY! I'm feeling good and resolving to be better about how I love myself.

...I'm working on it, y'all. Thanks for your support. I love you guys like monkeys love bananas. <3

~Jenn

Confession: The Scale Owns Me.

Yes. It's true.

I know I encourage you guys to measure success by how your clothes fit and how strong you feel and how much further you can run than last month and all that... but I'm afraid I don't hold on to that advice myself as much as I should.

The freakin' scale owns me. I hate that thing. I am addicted to it and I hate it and I love it.

When it's a number I like, I'm in an amazing mood all day. When it's a number I don't like, I'm depressed. I can usually take it in stride, but yesterday I hit the wall. Yesterday, I weighed in at 174.6. Three weeks ago I weighed in at 174.8. I've been eating healthy and working out daily for three weeks, and I lost .2 pounds. I flipped out and I actually almost started to cry.

You guys, that's just not cool.

What I will say, is that when I freaked out and posted on Facebook and Tweeted and such, you guys totally supported me and told me not to jump off of the cliff I was threatening to jump off of. You guys are awesome. <3

~J

1800 Followers!

*Update*

Nettie Ray!!! Thank you for being my 1800th follower. You are so special to me that I want to send you a CD. It's not just any old CD either. It's the newest CD from one of my favorite bands, Mestizo. Their sound is kind of a mixeration of Jack Johnson, John Mayer and the like. Check them out at www.mestizorocks.com. Leave me a comment and I'll get it out to you soon! :)

And to everyone else who follows this blog, participates in discussions, gives me advice, slaps me silly, gives me inspiration, shows me the way it's done, shares their hearts and sets me straight... THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.

Also, if you guys want to go ahead and check out the photo shoot I had last night, please feel free! :) <3





~Jenn

-----------------------------------

Whoever becomes my 1800th blog follower gets a free Mestizo CD! It's no laughing matter, 'cause they're one of my favorite bands, ever.

www.mestizorocks.com.

Ready, set, GO! :)

~Jenn

PS, Don't worry, I'll be back later with a proper update.

Skinny Water.

Yep. A vlog about my encounter with Skinny Water as well as a quick update on the Electronic Cigs. :)





For Julia's blog, go here: http://jewliagoulia.blogspot.com/

Aw, Crap. Life Happened.

I didn't shred today. It would have been my day 12, and I didn't shred. I got up early to drive out to a gorgeous neighborhood in Brookfield to do an environmental portrait of a wood worker for Wood Magazine. Then I spent three hours writing, and came home to clean the house and entertain some friends for the rest of the night. Halfway through cleaning I realized I didn't shred and I wouldn't be able to.

I only had a momentary freak out. Why? Because it's okay. I've done the shred 11 days in a row now, and I feel proud because of that. And, I know I'll do it tomorrow. It's not the 30 Day in a row every single day or you die Shred. It's okay to be human.

I have a few other things I wanted to post about and some photos to share with you guys, but I'll wait for later this week.

Since I've had some requests from you all, I'll leave you with another excerpt from my book. A small one. ;)

~Jenn

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I don’t think often of when we shared our last kiss. I sometimes go back through my journals or sit in silence and meditate on it. I retrace the steps I took in his life and I find the screenshot, and it's blurry. I probably touched his face and traced my fingertips along the stubble of his cheek. I'd bet that I looked at his raven eyes and that mouth that murders me and pulled away as I always pulled away. I'm sure he stood there and looked into me and thought to himself that it had to end. And I'm sure I felt it, too.

I do know that I mourn it. I wish I would have known it was the last kiss we would ever share. I would have tried harder to really pin it down. I would have made a point to remember what he was wearing, or the precise length of his hair, or where on my body his hands were. I would have written it down in my journal and wept as I did so. I would be able to look back and know the date. I would know if the trees were bare or if I could hear birds singing when I woke up that day or if when I left I felt the quaking in my chest swell with the crunching of the leaves beneath me.

Yet, the memory is there. It is faint and it threatens to fade. It’s covered in dust, but it’s still there when I go to pick it up. I can blow the dust away and trace the edges with my fingertips. I hold it close and I am back in the hallway with him. We kiss and it feels like everything inside of me is alive. It feels as though I am watching everything I love die. It doesn’t feel like a last kiss. It feels like a final breath.

The Best of 2009

Hidy Ho!

So I've been seeing a lot of Best of 2009 and I finally realized where it all came from, and I can't help but participate.

I'm obviously far behind seeing as it's now December 10th and I haven't done any, so this is gonna be 10 #bestof09 posts smooshed into one. Plus since we have lots of other crap to talk about, I'll probably either tack these on to the end or beginning of future posts, or smoosh some together again later.

I also realized that it's Thursday and I suck and didn't do a TMI Thursday this week. I swear I'll be back on top of that next week at the latest. Or, if something really good comes up, I'll post a belated one. For now, if you're dying for some great TMI stories, visit the source of all things humiliating.

Drumroll Please!

Best Trip: Well, it obviously, OBVIOUSLY has to be my trip to California where I finally got to meet a bunch of photographer friends of mine including this young, talented, sexy lil thing as well as this gorgeous, delicious woman. But even better was a few days later going on the Mayercraft Carrier 2. Sorry, I love my friends and family, but a cruise with John and having drinks with Ryan Shaw trumps a visit to Denver any time. Plus, I shared the experience with my brother and Dad. And I got proof that John Mayer looks directly at me when he sings, 'cause I wasn't kidding about that, people.

Plus, incredible food, the most delectable desert I've ever tasted, Martin Sexton, My brother and I with Justin Nozuka and with Ryan Shaw... It was amazing.

Oh yeah. And teaching Ryan Shaw, who has an interest in photography, how to compensate for back lighting. He then took this photo of my brother, which perfectly captures his laugh, with my camera.

Life is wonderful.

Best Restaurant Moment: Hmm, Best "Restaurant Moment"? I'm not really sure. Probably The Melting Pot with Dan for our 5th anniversary. That food was delectable and freakin' delicious!

Best Article: The best articles I read this year probably have zero impact on you guys, because I'm a total camera nerd. Anything from Strobist.com or Flashflavor.com because they push me to do better, get more artistic and figure out how to create light and control it better. I have a long way to go, but the more I read, the better I get, bit by bit. It helps me create images like this:

Best Book: I've done a lot of reading this year, but by far my favorite book was Wasted, by Marya Hornbacher. It's a memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia. She's an incredible writer, and I've read it at least three times this year.

Best Night Out: My memory sucks. I can't remember nights out, so maybe that means they were all amazing. I also can't remember what was this year or not this year. I know going to the shows of my friends bands are always awesome. I know every night on the Mayercraft was a killer night out. I know I loved being totally crammed into the night club on the Carrier and listening to John Mayer DJ for the night. I know that my birthday this year made me feel wholly loved and totally grateful. I know that I love my friends and any night we go out is more fun than I probably deserve.

Best Workshop or Conference: I didn't go to any workshops or conferences. I suck. I'd say the closest thing I had was the photographer's meetup in California, or teaching a friend in Colorado how to use flash as we took photos in an abandoned barn in Lafayette. I learn so much from my peers that I find it's enough to chew on.

Blog Find of the Year: This is the most unfair category and I don't know how I could possibly choose just one. There have been so many of you, discovering your blogs has been amazing and you pull me through and make me laugh and remind me I'm not alone and encourage me to let it all hang out and show me the world from a Hello Kitty bike and let me humiliate myself with no regrets and teach me to think and make me feel motivated and rewrite words to our favorite songs and write brilliantly and you stand up for what you believe and throw panties at my face and ignite my love for peanut butter and oatmeal and expose me and become my true friends. I love you all.

Moment of Peace: Wow. I've had lots of these. I've also had lots of moments that were tumultuous, but this year has been the least stressful, most peaceful, happiest year of my life. I'm so damn lucky. When I was in California I stayed in San Diego for about a week, by myself. That was almost all total peace. Standing on the balcony looking at the bay, walking around the city on my own, eating some delicious veggie pasta at a great restaurant, or even moments alone on the cruise, looking out at the ocean as it pulsed and thrashed below the ship... it was so relaxing. That rocked.

Challenge: Without a doubt, it was NaNoWriMo. The challenge I didn't look twice at in the beginning, the one that I said "Yeah, right," to a few times. The one you guys encouraged me to go for, and the one I finally overcame. It forced me to discover a lot of things about myself and it reminded me that in fact, yes, I am a good writer. And now, I'm an Author... and I can't thank you guys enough for the push.

Album of the Year: Do we even need to wonder or ask about this? Battlestudies. John C. Mayer. Get it now. If you don't want to buy the whole thing, that's cool. At least cruise over to iTunes and buy "Assassin," 'cause it'll probably change your life.

~Jenn

Day 10 and Resolutions.

Okay. Day 10: Shredded. I am officially 1/3 of the way through the 30 Day Shred! ::insert cheer track here.::

It was kind of a miracle because I seriously, seriously did not, NOT. want. to. do. it. It's about two degrees outside, everything is frozen and all I wanted to do was sink myself deep into a burrow of blankets and forget about doing anything. But, I did it. Why? 'Cause I told you people that I was doing it. And as I worked out, I thought to myself, "See Jenn? You CAN commit to do SOMETHING physical for more than a week." And I really just need to continue doing it. I think like Sue, I'm gonna bookmark Jack Sh*t's 55% blog post to keep myself motivated.


OH! The Exposed movement has seriously taken flight, and I was super excited to see this today. Pass it along. Participate. Do it, dammit. :)


Another thing I was thinking about was New Years Resolutions. Sue mentioned in her vlog today that soon the interwebs and the gyms will be hellacrowded with all those folks who wait until New Years to decide they want to get healthy and stuff. It's true. And I've never been a New Years resolution type of person. The first time I lost a bunch of weight with the Atkins diet, I decided to start in November, two weeks before Thanksgiving and plates of stuffing and bowls of mashed potatoes. I ate salad and turkey. I just figure that when you're ready to make a change, you decide THEN.

New Years isn't a magic day that makes it easier. It's a new year, yes, but you won't truly do something and be totally committed to it unless SOMETHING inside of you makes the decision, regardless of the day or the time of year or when your friend says, "let's be diet buddies!" If you make the decision because of one of those reasons, you'll end up feeling like a failure when your friend calls to see how your weight loss is going and you say you ate the entire contents of your fridge.

All I'm saying is that you don't need to wait. Take a few minutes and look inside yourself. Sit in the quiet and really think about what you want from this whole weight loss thing. What are your goals? What is it about where you are now that makes you unhappy? Dig deep and don't run away from your feelings about it. Confront them head-on and then, hold on to them. Remind yourself that you can change it, and then decide to.

A lot of you guys have asked me what my motivation is or how I've done it, etc. I totally don't have the answer to consistency. I look to other people who have achieved far better results in way less time for inspiration. All I can do is share what's worked for me. It could be different for you, and that's cool too. I just wish we could all live on the same block and run around in circles on the sidewalk together. I would totally do calisthenics with you people.

So, I'd like to share with you all my list of Non-New-Years-Resolutions.

1. Continue to shred through the 30 days.
2. After the shred, go to the damn gym for which I'm paying, and run on the damn treadmill and use the damn captains chair.
3. Work out during my near month long vacation in Denver, and NOT use it as an excuse to sit on my ass.
4. Fit into my size 8 jeans before we go to Vegas in February.


Those are my personal goals. Do you have some goals right now? I wanna see what they are. :)


And since I have no fun photos to share with you guys, and all blog entries here should really have a photo to keep it interesting, I'm sharing one of my favorite recent images, one taken by the lucky ass photographer for Details Magazine, Alexei Hay, who I am eternally jealous of, 'cause I can't figure out why the fuck I can't get John in MY studio instead of him being in Alexei's.

So I present to you, John Mayer, my eternal, never moving boy toy, makes me wanna die, partner in crime, the media whore, guitar god, YES I love the tattoos, John, the inspiration, lust and love of my life.



~Jenn