I watched "I Love You, Man" last night for the first time, so please don't blame this post on me. What is a funny movie, and should leave any normal person feeling uplifted or relaxed or something - actually left me feeling wildly depressed last night. If you don't know what the movie's about, the main character is getting married and realizes he has no male friends. He starts the hunt for some guys to be his friends so he can have groomsmen and a best man. (You should watch it, it's good.)
So anyway, I found myself laying in bed last night and I was almost to the point of crying. You know the place you might find yourself where if you had no self control you'd totally be blubbering into your pillow and drooling on yourself? But if you have pretty decent look up at the ceiling and hold your breath skills, you might squeeze by without squirting out a tear or letting someone hear your sad guffawing? Yeah, that's where I was.
This might sound strange. I do, in fact, find it completely ironic considering the fact that I have (suddenly) so many folks following my blog, and before Blog of Note, somehow managed to have 112 of you interested in what I had to say every day... but I digress.
I know you're gonna say, "What about that (gorgeous, adorable, cute) guy you posted photos of and told us all about his franks and beans moving a bookshelf yesterday?" Well, yes. I am in love, and have the friendship and support of a wonderful man. For that, I'm extremely lucky. But aside from him, you guys, I haven't got a friend. I won't say I haven't got a friend in the world, because I do have friends back in Colorado where I'm from. Incredible, amazing, wonderful friends who I love very much, and miss very much. But here in Milwaukee? I've got no-one. And though I talk to my friends back home on a regular, nearly daily basis, it's just not the same as having someone here, in person, that I can drive around with, hug, high five, spill my drink on, laugh with and give each other the "What was THAT guy thinkin'?" look. Dan and I moved here on Halloween of 2008, and in this (almost an) entire year, I haven't found one single kickass person to be my friend.
Yeah, I have people in Dan's family, who are awesome, but who are NOT, like, a personal friend to me. We do have Dan's friends over for cookouts and stuff, and they're great guys, but they're not people I would spend time with one on one. I don't have a single person I can call and say "Hey, let's go grab a beer." or "I really need to see the new Jason Segel movie, 'cause he's so damn adorable." or "Come over quick, I fell into the toilet and I can't get out." And that really sucks. I can make a call or two to friends back home, but there's nobody who can just come over for American Idol night or bring me some chicken noodle soup when I'm sick, or give me the Heimlich if I deep throat a root beer popsicle and it accidentially breaks off in my asophogus.
Why is it that friends are SO hard to find and make when you're an adult? Most of my friends in Colorado are actually ones from high school, except for one who I met at my first "real" job, right after high school. Seriously. And I'll tell you guys, I meet new people ALL THE TIME. I'm surrounded by them at weddings I shoot. And I swear to you that I'm super easy to talk to, very laid back, cool, and I promise you that I'm not socially retarded. So... I don't know what the problem is.
After one year in Milwaukee, I have fifty clients, a stack of professional networking references, nearly 1100 bloggeriffic online buddies, a whole bunch of Myspace photographer pals, and not a single, solitary, IRL Jenn friend.
Ugh, that sounds SO pathetic.
Just call me Pathetic Paula.
Or, officially, Sad Panda.