Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Crapcakes McGOO!

I had a terrible blogger mishap today.

The Bloggerhood of the Traveling Not So Fat Pants blog had 50 of you lovelies following it when I looked today. I also got some emails from you guys that the comment section was hard to find, so I went to change the layout. When I did that, for some reason the entire blog was deleted. ARGH! SO, I had to completely delete the blog and start over. Now, the good thing is that I was only one post in. The crappy thing is that all of you who followed the blog... well, you've been deleted as followers.

So, please, please... go visit the blog and re-follow it. Thank you guys!

Oh! And while you're at it, follow my photography blog too. ;)

And RIGHT NOW there is a drawing for the first person to get a pair of size 16, amazing jeans. Spread the word! There are only 3 days to enter for these jeans!

Moving on!

I had a few things I wanted to blog about today:

My lovely LiLu from Live It Love It tagged me in this Meme, so obviously I have to do it.

Four people I hope are eaten by a rabid pack of Velociraptors – a type of dinosaur that should not to be confused with chiropractors unless they also happen to have cannibalistic tendencies:

  • George W. Bush. No offense to any of you who like him.
  • Those of you who use a public restroom and for some reason are unable to keep your human waste products in the toilet bowl, and flush it. Seriously. When I really have to pee during a really good movie, the last thing I need is to play musical stalls to find the only one without a toilet seat sprinkled with your nastiness. (This does not apply to old people who can't control their bowels and maybe don't know better.)
  • People who drive slow in the fast lane. Though you might not have to be eaten by Velociraptors... maybe just hit really hard and fast by a semi while you're trudging along at 30mph. You drive me nuts.
  • Parents who let their kids do whatever the hell they want, and when their kids are going insane, running around and screaming, give them candy. REALLY? Candy will NOT make your kids any less of a pain in the ass, so stop it.

Four drinks I love:

  • Diet Coke
  • Diet Coke
  • Diet Coke
  • Diet Coke
...oh, were these supposed to be four different drinks? Oh well.

Four favourite quotes:

  • “Obsessed is just a word the lazy used to describe the dedicated" ~No clue who said this, but it's awesome.
  • “The bottom line? The bottom line is, you gonna die, man. Ugly." ~Muerte, Undercover Blues
  • “It smells like toast in here!" ~Me
  • “Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica." ~Jim, The Office. (This one makes me laugh so hard every time I hear it or say it. It's the best mood lifter ever.

Five things to do before I die:

  • Meet and sleep with John Mayer.
  • Get a spot on Good Morning America or something. For something. I just wanna be semi famous for something at some point.
  • Photograph a crapload of famous people.
  • Figure out a way to get my cat to stop pissing on the bed. *After a few comments from a few of you, I need to clarify this is NOT an infection, he's been to the vet and he's currently on some mood meds as it's been determined that this is behavioral. We've tried virtually all other types of cures for this issue (spotless litter boxes, multiple litter boxes, plastic lining, baking soda, paper shreds, all kinds of crap.)
  • Travel abroad for a solid six months, just because I can.

Okay! So... I'm supposed to tag five people for this, but I suck at that, so I'm not gonna tag. If you wanna do it, rock it out! :)

So I wanted to tell you guys about this blog I found through Lilu... it's called Just a Titch. this entry she was talking about the Post Office and how she doesn't get it. (First of all, you need to read her entry, if only for the amazing video she posted at the end. It's worth watching, in fact, is guaranteed to be the highlight of your entire day.)

I needed to share with you guys that I am totally on the opposite side of the Post Office situation from her. I love the Post Office. What I don't get is all the people who act half retarded when the go to the Post Office. (No offense to you, Titch.)

I'm gonna tell you that I have a huge crush on my Post Office guy. He looks a little bit like John Cusack, which immediately predisposes me to thinking he's charming. I don't know his name yet, all I know is that when he helps me and I get my receipt it says "Clerk: 16" So, I'm calling him John Cusack until I figure his name out. Every time I went into the Post Office, I noticed him and how TOTALLY pissed off he looked all the time. He looked annoyed and irritated and like he had a barage of aggravated thoughts going through his mind all the time. And it wasn't like, POSTAL postal. I didn't think this guy had a gun in his jacket... I just know he was supremely annoyed. This, I can totally relate to. I used to work in Customer Service, and I felt the same way all the time.

One day I was in line and he was working. I took the little blue number and did the line assessment. You know, that moment when you look at all the people ahead of you and then you look at the different clerks available and who they're helping. Then you do a little math crunch of how many people + people at the windows x how many packages and what kind of shit they're mailing out / how inept they seem to be (+ how many questions they are asking and how fast or slow they speak). Then you take the total sum and divide it by the number of windows available and you narrow down your odds of getting to the clerk you want to deal with. (You know, the cute one or at least the one who is halfway nice to you or doesn't have breath that smells like the undead.)

So, I basically figured out that my odds of getting to his window were pretty decent, and I ended up there. (SCORE!) When I got to his window I looked behind me and saw there were a CRAPLOAD of people who came in and I said, "Wow, looks like I got here just in time, huh?"

This is where the magic began, people.

John Cusack: No kidding, these people are frickin' ridiculous.

Me: Yeah?

John Cusack: Yeah, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. We actually have "regulars" here. People who are here every damn day. (He pointed to a guy at the self help kiosk,) That guy is here every day. And it's not like he comes in, mails some shit and then leaves. He just hangs out in here for like, an hour, every single day.

Me: Why would people come to the Post Office every day?

John Cusack: Because they're freaks. There are people who come in every day to buy two stamps with a handful of change. They are all here every damn day, and then they have the nerve to bitch about how long they have to wait in line. I get here at 8am, and they're clawing and drooling at the door, yanking and pulling on it like a bunch of zombies. What do they do on Sundays when we're closed?

Me: They probably wander around all disoriented in the lobby and cry.

John Cusack: Yeah! Exactly. I just don't understand. Why do you need to come mail one letter a day? Just save all your shit for the end of the week like a normal person. Don't you have jobs? Get a life, freaks!

And because this all happened a few months ago, I probably can't even convey the pure awesomeness that this conversation was, but I was laughing so hard, and ... yeah. Just had to share it all with you people. I'm sure you can relate if you've ever worked ... anywhere dealing with the public. People waiting at the door the second you get to work, the morons coming in asking stupid ass questions, doing stupid things and pissing you off in general... seriously. You all know what it's about.

Gah, I'm so glad I don't work in customer service anymore.



Nick said...

Hi, I'm John Mayer...

(^_^) ♥ said...

Great read, thanks!

btw 1500+ followers congrats Jenn.

Bobby said...

Hah, to fix the cat-piss-bed issue, scruff the cat, wiggle and retract right foot, open front door and let the cat fly. your choice of punt style kick, quick soccer pass chop or just a flat drop. Used this on my new kitten, worked great. :-)

Yuki Bara said...

That is quite the lengthy entry... My head is spinning! XD I like your lists, especially the one involving the public restrooms and children...

Chad said...

I feel your pain on the cat. Fortunately, the mattress was nearly 10 years old, and we got a new one.

We were recommended:

We are using several of the ideas. Seems to be working.

Also, the moderator prompt wants me to type: Nuthed. Not sure what to make of that...


NatureCat said...

Jenn, you've had many caffeinated drinks today, eh? Did someone say Diet Coke? You're so much fun. Hey I have to John Mayer on your "exemption list"...meaning the boyfriend will allow you one celebrity indiscretion if the opportunity presents itself? Nice!

Oh and poor kitty...time for a vet visit. Cats normally don't want to pee on the bed. Might be a UTI or diabetes. Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

I use to work at the post office. We had our regulars, too. We had this woman who would come, ask us to weigh her packages and go back to her office. She did that every freakin' day. On weekends I would be alone and people would actually complain and whine when I went for lunch!

Sarah said...

My cat used to pee under my bed... I solved the problem by sprinkling cayenne pepper around the the edge of the bed and it stopped him good a proper... Apparently cats don't like cayenne pepper... Well I didn't like him peeing under the bed more.

Oh, and congrats on all your weight loss so far. I'm on my own adventure with weight loss too and know how hard it is to stay motivated. But keep up the good work!!!!

Lisa Ursu said...

If John Cusack worked at the post office, I'd be there everyday too! I love your line mathematics. This is one hell of a funny post. Very glad I found your blog. Thanks for the giggles, and the motivation! All the best in your quest.

Luci said...

Hey, about the cat-pissing issue. It could be a urinary tract infection, this happened with my Cat and it was their way of telling us something was wrong.

Anonymous said...

What is the 5th favorite drink? hahahahhah really enjoyed the blog.. great work Jen

Kelly@MentalGarbage said...

I really don't even have to copy and paste the meme... Your answers were PRECISELY my answers except for minor tweaking on the "things before I die" part... haha Love your blog...

All Together Dead said...

I so can relate to your diet coke addiction... however, I must ask, regular diet, caffeine free diet, diet cherry, or diet lime???? Personally I am a diet lime girl myself!

Tim Bastron said...

Congrats on making the blogs of note list.
Stop by and visit my blog at

Anonymous said...

Man, I wish there was a cute guy at my post office. I guess it's good that I never go, since apparently I'm one of those irritating customers :( To my credit, I was very friendly, never bang on the door like a zombie and I swear, the guy totally admitted that they were out of some labels AND they'd locked the self-mailing thing since the printer wasn't working. I'm a pretty smart cookie, swear.

Jasmine said...

Love your answers! I always enjoy reading your blog! You seem like such a down to earth, fun girl!

Sorry about your cat. My cat used to pee in one spot on the floor in my old apartment. I don't know why. I tried everything. Took her to the vet and they said that she was was just behavioral.

So, new apartment now and she hasn't pee'd anywhere but the litterbox. Weird huh? I even take a walk around the apartment to see if I by chance happen to step in something damp, but nothing. I'm thinking maybe the old apartment carpet/padding had animal smell on it and she was trying to re-mark her territory - every time she has to potty. Do you have any other animals that have been on your bed? Maybe their scent is there? Just a thought......

Have a great day!

Melissa said...

New to your site via the Pants thing. :)
We had a slightly hot guy at the post office next to my old job. I loved getting in his line and he loved to bitch about the other people too.
I miss him.

Sarahf said...

Sometimes I worry that people in the local stores think I'm a freak. I dont hang out there every day but I do have "brain fart" moments when they ask me a question, like, you know, my phone number (which I've had for 3 years and still can't remember it...). At least I'm a nice freak, I hope...

Ashton Dene' said...

Love your lists and post office story. Both made me laugh!

And I totally understand your kitty issues. My cat thinks it is just awesome to throw up everywhere. Sicknast.

x, ash

rachaelgking said...

I say you, me and Amy are BFFies for life, starting now.


Anonymous said...

That conversation is hilarious. And as someone who has worked in several customer service jobs, I totally relate. Also, I think that pants idea is totally awesome.

I found your blog through LiLu, and I'm really happy I stopped by. I think you're inspirational. :-) Thanks for giving me some ideas.

Lastly, with the cat...they tend to go back to everywhere they've pissed before, because their scent makes it their territory. Have you tried using vinegar to clean your bed? The smell is awful, but it dissipates relatively quickly, and is pretty effective at neutralizing odors.

Janie Woods said...

Now, add walking down the street showing your ass to DC AND working in the largest government customer service agency--you just totally described my day!!

Anonymous said...

I'm with LiLu---BFF's for life! I can only imagine the ridiculousness...xo

TrueLoveCame said...

I like reading you blogs. It is almost like snuggling up with a good book by a great author. You are so descriptive and say just exactly what's on your mind. I hope you do get your moment of fame someday.

Have a wonderful weekend!

-Brandi Peterson

Quincifer said...

Hahaha that post office guy convo was amazing, he sounds cool. He also seems to fit the John Cusack personality thing too, at least from High Fidelity.
I totally feel the customer service pain, I used to deal with benefits and pensions accounts and spent most of my days shouting security questions to deaf pensioners and having my life threatened by people who had put their pin number in wrong and blocked their card so couldn't get their benefits. Urgh. Thank god I got away!

Carrie said...

Oh my gosh...on the quote from The Office (which is also one of my all time favorite shows EVER--seriously, watched all four episodes back to back last SON knew Michael Scott's name), I love that epsode where he is imitating Dwight.

This entry had me cracking up the whole time! Loved it! :o)

Oh and *high five* on the whole, pee-on-the-seat thing. Ugh.

Anonymous said...

OMG do I have some stories about working in customer service!! This is a comment so I wnt go in to all my stories. BUt I do have one complaint. Why do people call and ask if you're open?? I answered the phone didn't I?? lol

Anonymous said...

So... I had kittens at one point, three of them to be exact, I have a cute baby animal addiction what can I say! Aaaanyway... they will NEVER stop peeing on your bed, UNLESS! you find a way to get down deep into the middle of the mattress. Cats can smell EVERYTHING, and I mean everything. So when they pee on your bed... it gets deeeep deep in there, and you may clean and clean and clean but youll never be able to get the middle fibers so they are gonna keep peeing in that same spot. Anyway... best remedy? boot mr. (or ms?) kitty. most acceptable remedy? *sigh* new mattress. sorry love!

GirlBoyGirl said...

Unfortunately your cat peeing on your bed sucks and it's possible it won't stop until you get a new mattress or you get a plastic covering for it. Not that you wet the bed or anything but the plastic sheeting should block the smell from your cat as well.

My parents cat had an issue where it never used the litter box for anything. It was pissed off that I had brought my cats there for 10 months. It took a while but we eventually got her to start using the litterbox again.

One of my cats had an issue with peeing on everything in sight but it turned out she actually did have a minor bladder infection and also needed to be fixed. Poor little thing. now we don't have any issues.

You might want to get a spray bottle and prevent your cat from going on the bed at all and if you're not in the bedroom keep the door shut so it doesn't have access.