**Quick note: There is now a size 12 giveaway at the Bloggerhood of the Traveling Not So Fat Pants, so if you're newly into a size 12 and would like some pants to motivate you to get too skinny for them, come enter! Be sure to read all the rules before entering. :)
Okay. You guys, I've been waiting for something totally humiliating to happen to me, and I just don't have that kind of luck. What did I do this week? I weighed myself a lot, I ate some salad, I carved a pumpkin and I tried on some clothes. That's about it. Unless searching my house high and low for a tampon qualifies as TMI material, I need to reach into the archives and tell you something embarrassing from my past. And I'm not even really that embarrassed about it. I think the problem with TMI, for me, is that it takes a LOT to embarrass me. A lot. I mean, I whole lot.
With that, here we go.
I used to pee my pants on a weekly basis when I was in fourth grade. And now that I just typed that, I realize that some folks I used to go to elementary school with might read my blog (lovely Facebook) - so, this should be interesting.
I'm not talking about wetting the bed or peeing my pants because I just couldn't hold it anymore, teacher!... Nope. I peed myself because of my deep love and dedication to laughter and the fine art of comedy.
Okay. So, at my elementary school we had this thing on the playground called "The Rainbow." It looked just like the biggest one of these:
So, I used to climb up on that thing with two other kids and we used to just sit up there during recess and laugh, laugh, laugh, tell jokes, and laugh. I am not sure what the jokes were, but I'm pretty sure they revolved around pooping, and pee, and so it was only fitting that I peed myself while laughing about pee. You know those letter jokes where you say, "Spell 'eye cup." and the person concentrates and says, "I see you pee!" Apparently that was the crux of elementary humor, y'all. I laughed so hard every day we did that, that I pissed my pants. When recess was over, I'd begin the slow, wet walk back to my classroom, and I'd angle my butt toward the wall so the huge wet spot wouldn't show.
Luckily, I only pee myself nowadays in very small amounts, and it's few and far between. I never peed my pants in a public place as an adult, but a teeny bit would come out if I was laughing way too hard, or sometimes when I let out a wicked sneeze.
But I'm telling you, I just don't know how my Mom did all that laundry and didn't notice the pee smell, or if she noticed it and was just like, "There's no way I'm even going there, 'cause my daughter is WAY too old to be peeing her pants... I don't have the energy for this." I have no idea. But I know that smell. Damp, pee-pee-pants, kid smell. And that was me. And I am gross.
And on another note, I have been getting my face rocked off by all these blog awards from you guys. Thank you!!
Ashleigh gave me this friends award:
My lovely Sandra gave me the Superior Scribbler Award:
And Jeniel gave me this best blog award:
So holy crap balls, thanks you guys!
What I'd like to do instead of passing the awards around and telling people to tell us 30 things about themselves and write 30 other bloggers down... (if I followed all the rules of all these blog awards, it'd be a long, long day...) is I'm just gonna share some link love, and hopefully you'll find another blog to love. :)
Swish Embassy for those of you who support the LGBT community or like looking at hot guys.
The Life and Times of the Other Woman for cheaters, cheatees and cheatinteresteds.
Welcome to the Hicks Mix for some genuine good and funny reads by miss Marilee.
Casual Blasphemes if you wanna hear some fat acceptance from a wicked brilliant writer.
FaintStarLite if you like watching vlogs done by a super cute WW mom.
Bitch Cakes. Once again, you need to know nothing other than the name, go now.
Instatiable Host, if you want someone down to earth and supportive as hell.
I could go on all day of course. Check out lots of the great blogs in my sidebar. You already know you need to be following Sue and Monica, right? Mkay, just checking.
Oh, and you know how I looked for a hula hoop with no success? (Check out this entry by my friend Beth, with instructions on how to make your own hula hoop!)