Today I was a full of crap Fatty Wah-Wah, wallowing in my own self pity party at the mall.
I'm a photographer, so I wear black button up shirts and black pants when I photograph weddings. A few days ago I realized that I don't have any long sleeve button up black shirts and I needed to get at least one for the wedding I'm shooting Saturday.
I went to my FAVORITE store, New York and Company. They have sizes up to 18 and they have beautiful clothes. Well, I have been shopping there since I was small enough to fit into a medium, and all the way up to my extra large days. I thought today I might fit into a Large shirt. Nope. My pants were 16 regulars as I anticipated... and the Large shirt just did NOT button. Tight on the arms, barely buttoned at the button under the ta-tas. As you all know, that means it aint fitting.
I ended up getting the pants and a really cute sweater set, but the shirt, they didn't have any XL's left. BAH!
Why did I have this feeling of humiliation? I have no idea. The fitting room attendant wasn't looking in over the door and laughing at me. I didn't have to try to stretch the fabric over my roly poly pudge rolls in the middle of the store. But I still felt absolutely mortified hanging the Large shirts on the rack outside my dressing room door and doing the fat walk of shame to the checkout with my big girl clothes.
The black shirt still was a necessity, so I decided to go to Old Navy. I was walking down the mall hall and saw Lane Bryant to the left of me. I tried to do everything possible to avoid going in that damn store. Like I think if I buy an "XL" in a "normal" store I'm not fat, but if I go into Lane Bryant, it confirms that I live in very big girl land.
It's particularly pathetic because I just watched and POSTED this "it's okay to buy and wear XXL clothes, beauty boosting self confidence rocking video" and I was struggling with this Junior High mentality of fitting in. (Fitting in to smaller clothes, fitting in with the thinner, prettier folks, and fitting in with my weird brain mentality that I need to be a certain size.) I kept seeing Joy (the girl in the video) say, "I've got livin' to do!" and I finally convinced myself there was nothing wrong with going in there. And I am telling you, they have GORGEOUS clothes. I was all fluppexhaustopoopted from shopping and I just wanted to get out of the mall, but I might go back. They have some really beautiful shirts and dresses.
Seriously, check this number out:
When it was all said and done, I got an XL black button up from Old Navy and it fit perfectly. It was the last one in the store. I also got two long dresses for my upcoming vacation in California. :)