Today I was a full of crap Fatty Wah-Wah, wallowing in my own self pity party at the mall.
I'm a photographer, so I wear black button up shirts and black pants when I photograph weddings. A few days ago I realized that I don't have any long sleeve button up black shirts and I needed to get at least one for the wedding I'm shooting Saturday.
I went to my FAVORITE store, New York and Company. They have sizes up to 18 and they have beautiful clothes. Well, I have been shopping there since I was small enough to fit into a medium, and all the way up to my extra large days. I thought today I might fit into a Large shirt. Nope. My pants were 16 regulars as I anticipated... and the Large shirt just did NOT button. Tight on the arms, barely buttoned at the button under the ta-tas. As you all know, that means it aint fitting.
I ended up getting the pants and a really cute sweater set, but the shirt, they didn't have any XL's left. BAH!
Why did I have this feeling of humiliation? I have no idea. The fitting room attendant wasn't looking in over the door and laughing at me. I didn't have to try to stretch the fabric over my roly poly pudge rolls in the middle of the store. But I still felt absolutely mortified hanging the Large shirts on the rack outside my dressing room door and doing the fat walk of shame to the checkout with my big girl clothes.
The black shirt still was a necessity, so I decided to go to Old Navy. I was walking down the mall hall and saw Lane Bryant to the left of me. I tried to do everything possible to avoid going in that damn store. Like I think if I buy an "XL" in a "normal" store I'm not fat, but if I go into Lane Bryant, it confirms that I live in very big girl land.
It's particularly pathetic because I just watched and POSTED this "it's okay to buy and wear XXL clothes, beauty boosting self confidence rocking video" and I was struggling with this Junior High mentality of fitting in. (Fitting in to smaller clothes, fitting in with the thinner, prettier folks, and fitting in with my weird brain mentality that I need to be a certain size.) I kept seeing Joy (the girl in the video) say, "I've got livin' to do!" and I finally convinced myself there was nothing wrong with going in there. And I am telling you, they have GORGEOUS clothes. I was all fluppexhaustopoopted from shopping and I just wanted to get out of the mall, but I might go back. They have some really beautiful shirts and dresses.
Seriously, check this number out:
When it was all said and done, I got an XL black button up from Old Navy and it fit perfectly. It was the last one in the store. I also got two long dresses for my upcoming vacation in California. :)
I had a similar shirt-buying experience right before Christmas (and, consequently, right before I decided to stop being such a hog). I actually had to go into the plus size section to get a shirt, though, because none of them in the regular section would button down. In fact, I ended up with an XXXL! At that time I was wearing an XL in basically all other shirts, so those 2 extra X's were devastating, to say the least! As it turns out, my chest is just way too big for most button ups (I was an F-cup then but appear to be a G now that I've lost a bit of weight--however that works!). Unfortunately, once I get a shirt to cover my boobs it is about 10' too long on the arms because at 5'2 I'm not exactly winning any height competitions here.
Ooh, also, have fun in California! To which part are you headed?
I was born in CA and didn't leave until 2007. I miss it terribly.
AAAH What part!? Thats where I am!
I love New York and Company and there isnt one here for miles.
I cant wait to shop on the other side of the store.
I'm gonna be flying into San Diego, will be there from the 21st through the 26th, then driving down to LA for the John Mayer cruise, sailing out of LA to Cabo from the 27th through the 31st! :)
I love Layne Bryant clothes but hate that I have to shop their. They do have a great selection of clothes it is just knowing that I have to shop in a "Plus Size" store that bothers me. But I am always happy with the fit.
Proof positive that you're not THAT BIG: Old Navy doesn't offer plus size in stores, so you're still a regular store girl. I can't wait until I can shop at regular stores again.
You reminded me of this shirt that I just bought a couple days ago, it's a medium and it fits and I love it! I remember when I was at my heaviest weight of 195 pounds I could NEVER wear a button-up shirt. Back in July I had this button-up shirt that was a XL 16/18 size and it fit but it was snug it the chest area. Now that same shirt is SO BIG on me! I have lost 7 1/2 inches off of my chest, 10 inches off of my waist, and 7 1/2 inches off of my hips. I'm excited to now be able to wear smaller sizes! It's a great feeling!
Howdy hi! Long time lurker, first time poster. Love your blog. I had to comment on this post. The insane fat girl who lives in my head has quickly turned many shopping trips from a simple errand into an everything-makes-me-look-like-an-overstuffed-sausage-and-everyone-else-thinks-so-too hell. It has taken me a long time to learn how to leave her at home. The only place where the universe revolves around my weight is in my head. I think some of my issues actually came from clothing manufacturers.
Case in point:
I have 3 pairs of jeans from the same manufacturer, the lable says they are the same size they were purchased at the same store. 1 pair fits, 1 pair is too big, 1 pair is too small. WTF? The thing that has helped this go away is pretty simple. I need to find clothes that fit and flatter. Size tag does not matter, brand does not matter. If I feel fabulous in it then I will wear a size 100 from Omaha Tent and Awning. I'm much more likely to stay on track with eating and exercise when I make the insane fat girl in my head go sit in the corner and shut up.
i have some of the same issues when i shop at the mall which is rare. like im the fattest dude OF ALL TIMES! sorry it sucked but glad you got what you needed
I love this post! It really hit home! First of all, in the mall near me the Lane Bryant was across from NY & Co. My sister and I would go shopping together and she would get to go in NY and I had to go to Lane. It was depressing. The day I was able to start wearing NY & Co clothes again, I was like WOW! But I still can't get into everything they sell.
Hey thanks for this post!! I have never shopped at Lane Bryant but I had been using Avenue. Anyway, I have been in a size 18/20 for too long to want to confess and I am stoked because last night I went shopping for a 14/16!! And they fit....YAY
Anyway! I was going o Avenue because I knew they would have something in my size but I wasn't thrilled because the clothes are kinda blah. As we were driving hubby asked why we were going to Avenue and I looked over and saw the Lane Bryant sign. I made him turn there and I found some great clothes at a great price!! I saved more than I spent!
Ok, this was long story not so short...but thank you! It was your post that made be feel brave about trying a new store!
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