Sunday, August 9, 2009

Top Ten Things That Don't Cause Arthritis.

Sometimes I like to go to and click on the "health and fitness" section just to see what's new out there in the health and fitness world. Lots of times I'll find articles about how to perfect your sunless tan or how to do better dead lifts, but today I found an article that caught my eye.

This article had a ton of promise, but wound up sorely disappointing.

It was entitled "Top Ten Things That Don't Cause Arthritis."

Now, I expected this to be an awesome article, full of funny things, but it wasn't. It just WASN'T. No, it sure as hell wasn't. Instead, it had real and medically based things like:

Cracking knuckles: Although you can injure a joint by overenthusiastic knuckle cracking, there is rather convincing evidence that regular knuckle cracking has little effect on joint health.

Okay, well I kind of DID think that cracking your knuckles could lead to arthritis, and I'm glad to know this little tidbit. Maybe this wasn't the best example. But I'm telling you, I expected the list to look like this instead:

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches: Although there has
been some speculation that obsessive eaters of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches might actually be setting themselves up for arthritis due to constant and repeated lid opening, knife dipping, and condiment smearing, there is actually no proof that eating copious amounts of PB&J's will actually cause arthritis.

I am pretty sure we could come up with a much more bomb list. We're writers. We're funny. Help me out here, folks. I'm gonna post a much, much better list of things that don't cause arthritis once I've got nine more.

Ready, set, comment.



Anonymous said...

Hmm...let's see...things that don't cause arthritis (I'm assuming)...

Chronic masturbation (male or female) - masturbation has been linked to various health "issues" over the years - hairy palms! permanent nerve damage! infertility! loss of friendships! arthritis?! - NO!! So keep on keepin on.

Shakin it like a polaroid picture - while your wrist may get sore after awhile (ditto for above activity) - you can shake to your hearts content. Even to the point of obnoxiousness...but you'll probably be shakin it alone.

Guitar Hero - But feel free to tell your boyfriend it does cause arthritis or whatever other ailment it takes to get his lazy ass off the couch to finally take out the garbage.

Oookay...that's all I've got for now.

Hanlie said...

I agree... I'm so over "junk-journalism" - it's everywhere

Cole Walter Mellon said...

Hmmmmmm... stamp-collecting, taffy-pulling, money-laundering, soap-making, pole-dancing, sleigh-riding, fly-fishing, rodeo-watching, ice-scraping, blog-reading and over-hypenating.