Monday, September 28, 2009

Catfights, Lesbian Pr0n and BDSM.

I know, I know. You probably think this is a post all about what happened to me last night. It's actually not... I'll get to that in a minute.

This is actually about the most strange and hilarious thing I discovered on Twitter. Sometimes my blog entries get Tweeted by random people if there are bits of content in there that relate to them or what they do. For example, 411 Breast Cancer tweeted my most recent wedding because of the pink fountain for the Breast Cancer walk.

So, yesterday I saw that these three winners tweeted my last post about the movie "Disfigured."



I went back through the entry and obviously the thing they think relates to lesbian action has got to be my wanting to cover Miss Marilee with pudding. But I'm telling you, I seriously can't figure out where BDSM fits in to that entry. I'm pretty well learned on riding crops and ball gags, so If you have some otherworldly magical BDSM insight, please, let me know where I slipped that subliminal message in while I was talking about eating disorders. I am pretty sure I didn't mention candle wax or clamps.

Wait a second. ...Now that I think about it, the night I watched Disfigured, I also watched The Story of O.

Holy crap. I think the Dirty Twitterers are stalking me. YES!!!!!!

So, if that's the case, they clearly saw my night last night. Nothing too spectacular, we had a few friends over and did some grilling. I started with grilled chicken and asparagus, then had a Miller Light. I'll also own up to having eaten somewhere around six sour cream and onion lays potato chips, and then Dan made shish-kabobs with onion, green pepper, red pepper, mushroom, and some incredible steak. Yeah. I had two kabobs, and therefore had the equivalent of probably 1.5 ounces of red meat. (shriek!!!!!!!!!!) At least it wasn't ground beef, y'all. I couldn't say no... they were delicious.


But I'm avoiding the real subject here. The Wheat Thins. THE WHEAT THINS! I don't know about you all, but Wheat Thins are my weakness. I love them, they're amazing. Dan brought some home, and it's not because he was being a bastard (he's only a bastard when he brings home custard,) but because I ASKED him to buy some. Over the course of the night I probably ate 1/4 of that box. And it was the huge box. I just kept reaching down into this box without even really looking at it or thinking about it, and grabbing handfuls of these crackers. Granted I wasn't shoving them directly into my giant, ridiculous mouth (like I do with cereal on a moron-themed-binge) but it was basically the same idea.

Oh, wait. He did bring home chocolate mousse cake (his latest obsession,) and I had three forkfuls of it.

So, needless to say, I'm off to a rotten start for the Hot 100 Challenge. I've been drinking the water, but I don't know if I'm going to have lost 2 pounds the first week. I started strong today with a packet of oatmeal and some coffee. But that's because it was so freezing cold in my house today that I'm doubling up on sweats and booties.


Seriously, it's freezing in here. I'm wearing my boyfriend's Indianapolis hoodie. Please ignore my filthy bathroom mirror.:


Is this the proper technique for showing you my Old Navy booties? I suck at the MySpace-esque photo thing:


Maybe this is more appropriate:


And layered underneath the booties, the most awesome socks my Mom got me for Christmas. She's the best, and I can always count on adorable, cute, cheesy, kick butt socks from her all the time. And they're WARM! They have Cinderella on them, and they say, "I don't do windows.":



So anyway. Further updates on the 100 Day Challenge thing... I haven't had any pizza or Chinese food, but I guess I should have expanded that to include all forms of crap food. And I didn't eat a salad yesterday. Looks like I need to buckle down.

~J

48 comments:

Leah said...

those booties are rad sauce!

Monica said...

That "myspace" photo is cracking me up! I love crazy socks! I should send you crazy socks and a disposable camera, itll be the raddest package you ever receive!

MMMM Pizza....And what is custard?

Geeta said...

Hahaha awesome.

Not just the twitter stalkers, but the Myspace shots... AND the socks! I wannnnt a pair! (nickname = Princess, after Cinderella, naturally!) :))

Jenna said...

Yum... I hear your pain. My husband is a fantastic cook, which does absolutely nothing for my diet. Ohhh my lack of will power.

Speaking of Wheat Thins (something to which I too am addicted), have you tried the parmesan basil ones? They are definitely my weakness.

Sabrina Suburbia said...

hahaaaa i wish we had Old Navy in England :(

omg i can't believe someone doesn't know what custard is!!!!! do you guys not hve it so much over there?

By the way, I'm following you as of yesterday :) xxx

Miss Webb said...

I totally concur with the Wheat Thins weakness.
They are truly dangerous! =)

Quincifer said...

Loving the boots...perfect for the onset of autumn/winter weather!
Oh and any lack of enthusiasm for the Hot 100 Challenge I would totally blame on the weather...you've already got the warm boots so subconsciously you're wanting to huddle up! Thats what I'd be telling myself anyway haha!

Reality Asylum said...

Cute Boots!

It's hot here in California. It's been between 70 - 104 degrees for the last few weeks! But I got new boots myself and i'm more than ready for fall.

I wonder if you were to mention how much you like big zucchinis if the food insertion fetishists would tweet you too.

And I wonder if this comment will get tweeted for being on your page.

DeadTraumFrau said...

I'm not sure how you got hooked up with all that porn shit, but it is funny! They'll use anything to shill their little sites and make it look like others are looking at them.

Great photos, too! I think you look really good in them. (I'm a sucker for the "laying around the house" look...)

Trooper Thorn said...

I'm so mad at my mother right now! I can't get her to join my Twitter, but she'll go on yours to recommend adult videos.

mainecrashed2 said...

I've also been trying to do weight loss, but when a certain food confession program ("Hi, My name is Mainecrashed2, and I love food." Group: "Welcome, mainecrashed2) told me that I could only use 4 points (200 calories) after biking for four hours (40 miles...in the rain, the equivalent of 3000 calories) I decided to try something else. The Daily Plate at Livestrong.com is free, and you can look up just about any food, and create your own meals. It calculates your caloric need based on weight, exercise level, and how many pounds a week you want to lose. I've lost 12 pounds since starting it 8 weeks ago. (and no, I'm not a bot, or paid to do this.)
Good luck on your weight loss journey.

Tara Oakley Cutler said...

2 things:

1. Stop trying to still one of my many boyfriends, Payton Manning, by rocking the Indianapolis sweatshirt.

2. I'm totally with you on the goofy socks. I'm actually wearing St Pattys Day sockies right now!!

LadyGaga said...

How can you get crazy colorful socks and porn in the same post!?! XD

Speaking of losing weight, I have to lose some. I'm technically "big bone" and solid. Are you a vegetarian? I must eat my meat. ><

Emily said...

Yes, Wheat Thins are a powerful vice. Even the reduced fat version wreak havoc on my daily food intake. With the scarce number of Weight Watchers points I'm allowed per day, it just seems gluttonous to use 3 whole points on less than a handful of crackers. And seriously, who COUNTS crackers? Some days, I hate WW.

Chibi said...

In order to perfect the MySpace shot, you must adopt and over-use MySpace-Face in which you pucker up your lips and pout at the camera... (I hate MSF. HAAAATE! Okay, I'll stop now. lol)

Dawn Dishes It Out said...

Lovin' the outfit. How comfy were you?!

delightfully mediocre said...

I just wanted to say hi - I stumbled on your blog this afternoon and did a double-take when I saw the Milwaukee Art Museum photo below! I just moved from Milwaukee up to Green Bay last December and miss Milwaukee like crazy. Ouch.

Anyway, love the socks, I've been in the "I wonder if I can just learn to be anorexic for like, a month" situation, and thoroughly enjoy your blog. Wooo!

And hi.

Erin said...

Loooove your MySpace shot! Hilarious. Not such a big fan of Wheat Thins, but Annie's Cheddar Bunnies are like crack to me. I could easily shovel in an entire box in one sitting. I try to tell myself it's ok because they're organic.

Rabab said...

at least you're not addicted to nutella...i keep shoving spoonfuls in my mouth till the jar is empty or i scare myself into thinking that the 2 work pants i have will also not fit (usually it's the former.)

logmyloss said...

It is pretty crazy how your post was picked up by the twitter hounds!

By the way, the kabobs look great!

Also, don't worry too much about what's already happened with the challenge, just make tomorrow the best you can.

Kristen said...

Yes, those socks do rock! I love fall but I haven't gotten any of my sweaters out yet. I'm in denial that cold weather is coming even though it's cold and windy outside my window. Also, thanks for following my blog, I appreciate so much!

Morristache said...

Hilarious blog. glad I stumbled upon it.

THE OTHER said...

Ha! So try this trick.. Leave the box of Wheat Thins in the trunk of the car, and leave the car parked in the driveway so all your neighbors will see you everytime you go to the trunk and only allow yourself a small handful for each trip to the trunk. That way, if it is a REAL WHEAT THIN EMERGENCY (we have all had them) you will have access to get your fix, but, you don't want all your neighbors to think you have completely lost your mind running out to the trunk in your cinderella socks every few minutes. *wink* So you will be less likely to over indulge. And if you do, then at least you will have worked off some of the calories trying to be stealthy and quick on all those repeated trips to the car!

THE OTHER said...

LMAO.. I have actually kept a cheesecake in my trunk before.. fortunately it was winter so it was kept fairly fresh. I could just imagine having to explain to the Emergency room personel that i think i got food poisoning because I was feeling bad about something my ex had said to me, and "just NEEDED ONE BITE of cheesecake to make me feel better!"

I would do that still today if I hadn't sold my car for $1.50 before leaving the jerk, so that he couldn't claim that whole "community property" crap! I offered him his 75 cents, he didn't find it as amusing as i did. Anyway, maybe I should talk to my fat next door neighbor. We could help each other. I can store my comfort food at her house, and she can store hers at mine. But, if she eats my cheesecake, I may have to stab her in the eyeball with my plastic fork. HMMMMM.. perhaps this one needs a bit more thought. *sigh*

brettnjo said...

jenn, hi. i discovered you when i decided to find out what a blog looked like before i started one of my own.... yours was/is the first and all i can say is ... WOW . i like you already, i've 'fanned' you on f'book, i really do love your photos ( the one of the train tracks 'ticularly caught my eye). i'm coming back.. i know you will more than achieve your goals, and there's only a bit of me saying softly,'don't be too quick - i don't want to miss out on tooo much of your blog.' with warm regards, jo

Janie Woods said...

Great blog! So glad I found you through One Fine Neurotic Mess!

Nilum said...

Nice Post

Ashton Dene' said...

Ummm this post cracked me up. I'm sure you will get your two pounds back...even though you had the dreadful meat, WHEAT THINS and cake!

Thanks for coming over and commenting on my blog, super cool of you!

x, ash

Shmologna said...

I love Wheat Thins! When I go to the store, I have to avoid the cracker aisle ENTIRELY! I could eat a whole box...I love the Ranch ones too. Wow. I really want some Wheat thins.

Tonja +Jere + Kids said...

hilarious blog, glad that I came across it. enjoyed the read. your socks are great!

My Own Best Friend said...

This is my second day reading you--I'm just glad I was able to get back to you! I like your blog look, the weight issues, and the photographs.

I started my own blog as an on-line diary so I was checking out others as research. I learned how to become a follower. And now, how to post a comment.

Thanks for hanging in there. I'll check back often.

newbierunner said...

Wheat thins are sooo yummy. And those kebabs looked delish.

LOL @ twitter porn.:)

Me said...

As a Mom to two little girls I LOVE the socks!
Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. Keep up the inspiring work!

Siobhan said...

Fabulous boots. Fabulous socks. and great/disturbing twitter story:)

Oh and to me it sounds like you're showing great restraint in your food habits. I mean...it could've been the WHOLE box.

**Jen** said...

I just stumbled on your blog. I <3 it! I love when woman are so open about themselves and their thoughts about womans issues that other people are afraid to say.

Oh, and the BDSM was probably for simply mentioning the word 'disfigured'. Weird, I know

☥ ѕωαмι ηανєєη said...

thats a lot of food :o !!

Anita Bier said...

Fun blog!

Congrats on your Blog of Note-ness!

BTW, nice booties...

nameeee here!? said...

cute blog
very entertaining!



drinkteabecontent.blogspot.com
xoxo

Hopefull Phoenix said...

Thank you, your posts SOO made my day! You're hysterical.

Tamara aka Cheapskate Mom said...

A little late coming in - but wanted to say congrats on being a Blog of Note! Your blog is great - your humor is a lot like mine! I cannot believe those tweets! lmao...

Oh and there are some crazy cool socks at Target right now, esp the Halloween ones!

Great to meet you! :)

M.J.Y said...

Came across your blog after it was highlighted on the blog-of-note.

Makes an interesting read, shall def' be back to view again.

The Crap Blog Detective said...

Some porn a day, keeps the doctor away.

The Insatiable Host said...

so in an odd and inspiring way, you have now lead me in a cerimoneous almost "intervention-like" way to PUT DOWN THE EFFING TRISCUITS!"...it does not matter that they are the whole wheat triangles with olive oil and cracked pepper; it matters only that I need to stop because apparently my house is haunted by this strange ghost/food nabber who eats all the good stuff and leaves my kids lunches with healthy crap...
i love your blog, OLD navy rocks the socks outta life and i am morbidly fascinated with the blog. thank you for making me think as a writer, enjoy as a spectator and stand in awe at the captured images of your life.

VIVA LOS TRISCUITS

insatiablehost.blogspot.com

anewday said...

Hi EHG- I wasn't sure what to make of your blog when google featured it. You are hysterical! I blog on a weight loss plan that quotes Paul Newman and is seconded my 113 year old Walter Breuner. If you visit be good!
:)

Miss Marilee said...

Gasp! I want porn twitter followers! Oh and you can totally cover me in pudding whenever you'd like to as long a it's yummy! P.S. I'm jealous of your mad myspace picture taking skills.

a!k0 said...

Oooo... I love your socks!! I like those weird looking ones...comfy and cute :D

Thanks for stopping by my blog ^^.

Robbie G. said...

wow i used to love wheat thins. Those were all i would eat when i would get munchies for road trips. You know what i actually want a box right now.

Azrael75 said...

Atkins is amazing..but a pain to maintain after a while. But good luck on your diet.