Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Don't say I'm chubby.

Update! It's a miracle! I'm alive!

Hehehe... yeah, sorry for the crappy updating lately. I've got internet in my new place now so we should be all set.

Today I had Zumba for the first time in a few weeks and it was AWESOME. I missed it. I love it. I bought some DVD's tonight so I can do Zumba on non Zumba class days. So, anyways... I showed up a bit early and was chatting with my instructor while I stretched. She said, "So what classes do you teach?" HAHAHA! I laughed and said I didn't work at the gym or teach classes. She said, "Wow, I thought you did. You definitely should!" Now, this is obviously because I have a kick ass ridiculously goofy personality in class, and NOT because of my stamina or physical ability. Because I'd have to have a slight water break in the middle of my hour Zumba class. Oh, and I should do it for another six months with some dance classes on top of it. BUT it made me feel really good. I'm finally to the point where she'll tell people in the class to follow me for the moves if she grabs water or adjusts the volume on the stereo. It's a lot more fun with a little bit of pride attached to it. :)

Okay, so I'm wondering something. Today I was thinking about how much it sucks when someone mentions my weight. Whether I hear "you're losing weight" or "Hey, tubby. Ha-ha, I'm just kidding," or whatever... it really makes me cringe. WHY is that? I have no problem talking about my weight (here on my blog) or to my boyfriend, or my Mom, or whatever. But whenever someone takes it upon themselves to comment on it, it just makes me nuts.

Not only do I feel crappy about myself when my weight is mentioned, I also feel pissed off that someone thinks they have any right to make any kind of comment on my fatness. Seriously. I never am in the supermarket and say to a chubby gal buying ice cream "Um, try the sorbet, it's fat free."

Then again, I have absolutely no problem telling my Mom how hot and skinny she looks in her size 8 or 10 jeans.

((sigh))-- I just hate that I've been at 207 forEVER, and just won't budge.

I will say that I haven't ((GAINED)) in the last few weeks. I have eaten way more sugar than I should be eating and my face breaks out every time. Yet, I went to Walgreens today and bought double stuff oreos (mostly for Dan) and some mint icecream for myself. Why? I have no idea. I'm literally yelling at myself "What is my fucking problem?" as I'm putting the ice cream in the basket. The lady at Walgreens asked three people in the line in front of me "Any M&M's or Snickers today?" She didn't ask me if I wanted either. I'm guessing she must have decided I didn't need to be offered junk food, as it was clear I already had enough of it.

Oh yeah, and I haven't done any running in 2 weeks. And I suck.

~J

18 comments:

Hanlie said...

Don't talk to yourself like that! You most certainly don't suck... You'll just get back on track - no problem! You can do it.

Jessica said...

The blogger over at Escape from Obesity had a blog that reminds me of what you are saying, it was super eye opening for me. Her little girl is tall, and pretty thin (she's had medical problem after medical problem). So- people in the grocery store, on the street, et- will stop and things like "how skinny" and "geez, don't you feed that girl". The little girl is super shy, but starting to ask her mom if something is wrong with her...

It is pretty hard to know what to say to people. I haven't told anyone (hubby and parents aside) I've been on WW for over 5 months and have lost 25 lbs. Just last week I was starting to feel a little... bitter? that no one has noticed. Then if they did, I'd probably be embarrassed... it can be hard to know what to say I suppose.

You are very beautiful, and things will be going your way soon soon soon!

Jessica said...

Dont think I made my point about the little girl, that the commentors probably think they are gently kidding with a complement, but the poor girl is getting very self conscious at what is actually criticism.

Annabel said...

Very interesting post. I know exactly where you're coming from. Since I don't want to presume you feel the exact same way as I do, I will speak for myself...but the thing with a weight struggle is that it is such a PUBLIC battle. It's not like I can take my extra weight on and off when I choose, it's just out there like "HELLO EVERYONE, I'M HERE!" I have often resorted to the "i'll say it first" mentality which is where I will bring up my weight in a joking manner or something just so people don't think i'm unaware and feel compelled to mention it themselves. Plus, I don't want someone who WANTS to bother me get the pleasure of actually doing it, so I will be first to say, "haha I'm a little chubby, huh?" I guess when it comes down to it, we are all sensitive about our appearance in general. I have always hated the, "oh your face is so beautiful" or whatever remarks. But i've also gotten, IRONICALLY, the "you're too skinny -- your collar bones protrude too much" comments in more recent times. WTF? Yea. If I could buy a tough-skin suit, I would. Ok, I'm writing waaay too much, sorry! Let me end this with, you do NOT suck! Just hold on to that feeling you get when you're in Zumba and kicking butt. THAT is who you are.

jen said...

Be nicer to yourself!! I have to get ready for work so this has to be short ~ sorry. Have you taken your measurements? You are probably losing inches ~ you have to look at all the numbers not just the number on the scale. don't let the number on the scale RULE and define you!

peace, luv, & happyness

Jen

MB said...

Glad you're back.

You don't suck, you just need to step away from the Oreos and ice cream.

Some days we just need to "go off" but the real trick is getting right back on and not using it as an excuse to give up the fight.

Take another Zumba class where you ROCK!

South Beach Steve said...

I guess I am a little different. It used to bother me when people talked about my weight, but now I realize that all of us have our problems; sometimes I talk about theirs without meaning to offend.

Anyhow, don't be so hard on yourself. Pick yourself up, look at your goals, realize what it takes to achieve them, and move forward. We all have down times. We just have to get back on track. You can do it.

Fat[free]Me said...

I get annoyed about weighty comments - I feel like saying that I am more than my flesh. Mind you, not many have noticed yet (sigh). No-one can win in my case, lol!

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Weight loss tip: regular Oreos have less calories than Double-Stuffed Oreos.

You don't suck, but it does sound like you need a kick in the seat of the pants to jumpstart your weight loss efforts.

So here goes >>>>>>>> KICK

Hope that helps.

Stormy Vawn Bradley said...

Hey... You are normal. Its ok if you struggle. We all struggle. You will get where you wanna be... in your own time.

Val said...

You do not suck. Look at the awesome compliment from the Zumba instructor!! That's so cool :)
Ice cream in the summer is pure heaven...I have such a sweet tooth, I KNOW this is my weakness. But you can get back on track! We're all pulling for ya :)

Rapunzel said...

You are being much too hard on yourself, I know because I do the same thing and that nasty self-talk will not help you in your efforts to lose weight, or meet any other goal!

I, too, hate when my weight is mentioned. Even when it's a compliment I think, "what, did I look that bad before?" :-/

Carlos said...

totally gave you a blog award weeks ago and got crickets! you suck totally giving you the stink eye...

hang in there and start running forrest

Bananza said...

I cringe at any weight-related comments too. Then I feel bad if I comment on someone who I deem 'too skinny' because they might have the same hangups about their body that I do. You are doing everything exactly right - staying fit, paying attention to what you eat, not depriving yourself, immersing yourself with healthy thoughts and lifestyle. Everyone goes through a break in their fitness at times. Just get back into it slowly. And keep talking about it. The minute you go silent, we'll start worrying about you. :-) PS. I'm jealous of you and the Zumba class, as I have ZERO coordination and could never dream of doing it. Keep it up!

nancy said...

Okay, when I was 15 pounds thinner, size 6, I got all sorts of comments of how "great" I looked. What pisses me off is, why don't people notice when I'm happy or sad??? THAT should be the focus, not what I look like in a frickin' pair of jeans and heels!!!!!!


Mom

justjuliebean said...

It's hard spending a lot of time with someone who likes Oreos and such when you're trying not to eat so much of that stuff. I gained a lot of weight when I lived with the boyfriend, because he can eat me under the table, and it's mostly meat, starch, sugar, with an occasional vegetable. Even to this day when I visit him, I usually eat his ice cream. It may not seem like much, but that stuff can halt your weight loss, and exercise can only help so much. You don't suck, you're just frustrated.

Mrs.Bump said...

I struggle when people bring up my weight too. I want people to notice but then I have a hard time accepting compliments or how to deal with what people say when they do bring it up. And if I'm having a bad day (or week) with self-control, it really makes me feel bad when they mention it, because I feel like a fraud. I'm stuck at a certain weight too, and so now when people tell me I've lost weight, etc. I just feel worse, even though I haven't gained weight, just haven't lost it. And yeah, it is only certain people--some people I can talk to about it, some people it's just weird and hard. I don't have an answer except to say "Me too!" I guess.

jh said...

I think it is ridiculous that people feel the need to comment on our bodies, whatever size they are at. It makes us feel out of control and takes away from the focus we have on our goals, on being healthy, and puts it back to obsessing about our bodies. I definitely feel you!

jen
Boda Weight Loss Blog