Thursday, April 29, 2010

It's so easy to forget.

I've been doing some thinking lately.  I realized that my weight has fluctuated up and down within an 8 or 9 pound window since November, and it really started to piss me off.  I was beating myself up about it, and allowing my mind to slip back into the negative self talk I was so used to 20, 30, 40 pounds ago.

Then I remembered how I felt when I hit the 180 mark, and when I hit the 175 mark.  I felt so happy.  I had accomplished something amazing!  Why don't I still embrace that fact today?  It's amazing that I can look in the mirror, and see only the negative things in my mind.  I look at my arms or my stomach, or the water retention in my face, and feel fat.  I go back to long sleeved shirts and covering up, and hiding from the world.  Why?  When I first hit that 175, I put on some skinny jeans and a tight t-shirt, and flaunted my hot ass around!  ...And still today, I'm struggling with my body image.

I look at my dear friend Beth who has lost right around the same amount of weight as I have (A little more, I think,) and she's looking wonderful.  She doesn't whine about the extra 10 or 15 pounds she might want to lose.  Nope.  She's started a new healthy eating blog about her approach.  She treats her body with respect and balances her life with a positive outlook and feeding her family healthy foods.  She embraces life, and rejects negativity.  She's my fucking hero.

Then today I heard from my friend Danon (also known as the Insatiable Host.)  She's doing a pinup contest at her blog, and it's awesome.  Send in a picture of yourself all gussied up like a pinup, and you could win something very cool.  (Go check it out for yourself.)

"Now that's a thought," I thought.  Here in this dieting, working out, weight obsessed world we all live in, both of these women are taking an active role in making sure we focus on the positive.  Reminding me about agave nectar and green smoothies.  Giving me an excuse to wear a sexy dress, do my hair, and put on some freakin' red lipstick.  I can't wait.

I encourage all of you guys to examine how you're feeling about yourself.  I hope you're feeling good.  If not, take this next week with me, and really treat yourself to some fabulousness.  Take a hot bath and exfoliate.  Paint your nails.  Deep condition your hair.  Get a facial.  Ask your husband for a back rub, for goodness sake!  Have a margarita if you want one.  And look in the mirror.  Look, and love.  Eyeball those sexy eyes and give yourself a kiss, dammit.

You're worth love... especially from yourself.



Anonymous said...

This post is so dead on. I had my hair cut today and honestly, it looks terrible. But I'm still me, and I'm still beautiful. Who cares what the other think; it's my head and if I don't think positively about it, probably no one will!

ARJules said...

This is SO true! I mean, how many times do people, including myself, think "Oh man... I am so *insert the negative phrase here*." In reality, it is completely untrue! I look back at pictures of myself and think "Wow. I looked fantastic." But at the time, I thought I was fat.
There's something that gets warped in our heads like those funny mirrors in circus fun houses. (And I don't know WHY they call them funny. Because that fat mirror is SOOOO not funny. ;) Anyway - I can relate. Keep on truckin' lady. And P.S. You are awesome no matter what. SO THERE! :P

Anonymous said...

It's good for me to read this. I've been bouncing around 5 pounds for months, whining incessantly about the 20 I'd still like to lose, and not taking much joy in the 50 I've lost. Nor am I acknowledging that maybe I'm not fat as hell in my size 6 jeans, as all I see is pudge and rolls.

Body image is a whole 'nother issue, above and beyond weight loss. I'm not entering any pinups, too much belly. I suck.

The Insatiable Host said...

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, and thank you for telling everyone about the pin up contest. It really is about empowering ourselves to start to love what we'll make what we get more valuable!!!

ENTER the contest!!! I am extending the deadline until some time in may...maybe May 22...ok, there it is! May 22 and get Jen to take your pics!!! cuz she's an amazing photographer!!

Trainer T.s Fitness said...

Great post, you are BEAUTIFUL!

We all have not so good funks like this, and I think its a wonderful idea to focus positives and gratitudes.

It's easy to forget how far you have come, so keeping a journal or even a before photo for these moments is inspiring.

For me, I like getting highlights or a new nail polish, that is what brings my sexy back!

Unknown said...

Oh Jenn, you are so sweet!! Thanks for saying such kind things about me but I'm far from perfect. It takes a lot of work to beat back the negative self talk!! I've noticed a pattern with mine - I tend to feel more down about my body when I am PMSing or just feeling down in general. I've realized it's when I'm feeling bloated and about to start my period that I start thinking and saying, "God I'm so fat, ugly, etc."

A couple of months ago I kept telling Alex, "I think I'm gaining weight! I just feel fat. Blah, blah, blah." But I kept weighing and I wasn't gaining, and then my period started within a couple of days and I went, "A-ha!"

I think staying in tune with my body and what it's going through at the moment as really helped me in this battle. But of course I totally do the random, "My ass is soooo big!"

Hugs, my friend. Love you.

Amber Lea Easton said...

It is so refreshing to hear a positive message regarding this issue. So many women put themselves down or can only talk about their weight. Enough! Time to celebrate our individuality, our health and our innate sexiness. Thanks, Jenn!

Marilee said...

I love this! I love how it's not "you're the most beautiful person on the planet"'s "love yourself inside and out...". I needed it! Heart you! You're so rad.

Claire Dawn said...

150 on the way up is so different than 150 on the way down. It's all mental, and we know that, but it's still not the easiest thing to get around.

The truth of the matter is, unless you're a narcissist, you probably look better than you think.

SeattleRunnerGirl said...

Amen, sister. I will take that advice to the bank.

Kat said...

I wrote a blog a while back and printed out all my negative thoughts. Then I printed my blog and burned them. It was quite healing. I then printed out a list of good things about myself and put them on the fridge. It has helped. Chin up!!

Bubbie said...

There is no other way than to keep it real and you always do.
You helped me stay on track with my diet with your blog about going on a fast like a couple of days a week. (I think that was it.)
So, I thought if she can NOT EAT for an entire day, I can do the 'fast' thing from 7:00pm through the morning.
That and a stomach virus (yay!) got me down to my 'normal' 128.5. A weight I was in college, in the 1980's - when I got married. Today wasn't a good day for food, but tomorrow will be. No eating during Amazing Race and Celebrity Apprentice!
Thanks for the inspiration, Jennifer.

Kristi said...

You look great! I keep beating myself up, becuase i was down to 239 before the boss canned me, back last july, and now im up to 264, and its depressing, I keep trying but its not working in my favor. Your not alone! xo


sweetpea5899 said...

how are u doing on the eat stop eat program? I would love to see some more updates..I am soo STUCK in my weight looking at this as an option..but I work out ALOT.. is this going to affect my energy level in a negative way?

Anonymous said...

Such a great reminder and something we all need to hear :)

Jessica @ Food for Thought said...

Thank-you for this.

Impeccable timing.

Anonymous said...

Definitely looking at how far you come is the best way to get that feel good feeling. I also did a before picture (ugh) and though it's not pretty to look at, I love seeing how far I've come. We also put a lot of focus on the number on the scale. Have any of you taken measurements instead of checking the scale? The scale is a big fat liar sometimes!! :o)