I've been doing some thinking lately. I realized that my weight has fluctuated up and down within an 8 or 9 pound window since November, and it really started to piss me off. I was beating myself up about it, and allowing my mind to slip back into the negative self talk I was so used to 20, 30, 40 pounds ago.
Then I remembered how I felt when I hit the 180 mark, and when I hit the 175 mark. I felt so happy. I had accomplished something amazing! Why don't I still embrace that fact today? It's amazing that I can look in the mirror, and see only the negative things in my mind. I look at my arms or my stomach, or the water retention in my face, and feel fat. I go back to long sleeved shirts and covering up, and hiding from the world. Why? When I first hit that 175, I put on some skinny jeans and a tight t-shirt, and flaunted my hot ass around! ...And still today, I'm struggling with my body image.
I look at my dear friend Beth who has lost right around the same amount of weight as I have (A little more, I think,) and she's looking wonderful. She doesn't whine about the extra 10 or 15 pounds she might want to lose. Nope. She's started a new healthy eating blog about her approach. She treats her body with respect and balances her life with a positive outlook and feeding her family healthy foods. She embraces life, and rejects negativity. She's my fucking hero.
Then today I heard from my friend Danon (also known as the Insatiable Host.) She's doing a pinup contest at her blog, and it's awesome. Send in a picture of yourself all gussied up like a pinup, and you could win something very cool. (Go check it out for yourself.)
"Now that's a thought," I thought. Here in this dieting, working out, weight obsessed world we all live in, both of these women are taking an active role in making sure we focus on the positive. Reminding me about agave nectar and green smoothies. Giving me an excuse to wear a sexy dress, do my hair, and put on some freakin' red lipstick. I can't wait.
I encourage all of you guys to examine how you're feeling about yourself. I hope you're feeling good. If not, take this next week with me, and really treat yourself to some fabulousness. Take a hot bath and exfoliate. Paint your nails. Deep condition your hair. Get a facial. Ask your husband for a back rub, for goodness sake! Have a margarita if you want one. And look in the mirror. Look, and love. Eyeball those sexy eyes and give yourself a kiss, dammit.
You're worth love... especially from yourself.