Monday, October 11, 2010

The Exposed Anniversary.

Well, Michelle might find this to be a bit of a surprise because she's e-mailed me about the anniversary and hasn't heard back.  Because I suck at e-mailing back sometimes.  Because I wasn't even sure I'd participate.  But, I realized that I have to.

I'll back up.  Some of you who are newer might not know what I'm talking about.  My buddy Michelle over at Eating Journey started an awesome thing called "Exposed."  Click here to check out the original post that started the whole thing.  You can click here to see my participation in it last year.

It's pretty amazing to look back.  Firstly, to see that it's been a full year.  Secondly, to see the changes my body has gone through since that photo was taken.  And third, to see that I loved so much about my body, even though I was 22 pounds heavier than I am now.

That made me think back a little bit further.  This journey from being 225 to my current 158 (yes, two pounds up, and that's okay,) has taken a great deal of self reflection and adjusting to being me.  Adjusting to the fact that I have to be happy where I am, and be happy with where I'm going.  Getting used to being me in a different body, recognizing my face in the mirror every day, putting on size 8 jeans, and feeling someone put their arms all the way around me.  Going from feeling ultra fabulous, to self deprecating.  Being sassy at lap-dance fitness class, to the automatic self-comparison to other, skinnier girls in class.  Going wedding dress shopping with a friend, feeling pretty in a dress until I realize I can't quite zip it up, but she can.  It's just been a process.

I was thinking about this all... in terms of what I do for a living.  You all know that I'm a photographer.  Primarily, I shoot weddings, but I also specialize in Boudoir photography.  I spend my time bringing out the beauty that women naturally possess.  Showing them how gorgeous they are.  Encouraging them to let their sexy out, and using the whole process as a method to boost their confidence and help them love themselves even a little bit more.

And yet, people ask me if I've done one.  Nope.  I shrug back behind my camera and say, "It's my job to help capture YOU being fabulous, darling!"  And so, I effectively change the subject and move on.

But soon, I realized that the process isn't just about sometimes struggling, but ultimately learning to love my body and putting good food in or being active as a sign of that love.  As a photographer, I needed to also do the difficult thing.  So... it came at a good time - getting the disc from a photographer friend, and sharing this one with you all.




~Jenn

19 comments:

Beth said...

Beautiful!!! My daughters and I recently drew self-portraits and wrote down everything we love about ourselves too. It's incredibly empowering. Kudos, dear! <3

Panty Buns said...

Now why do i have such a hard time finding lingerie in that colour? Your friend's boudoir photography is quite nice inspiration- now where can i run out and get photographed in my lingerie like that with all the same sort of positive mood? I'm sure you could help me bring my sexy out of you were my boudoir photographer.
I love the idea, photo, the card, and the captions, Well done!

Mishe@EatingJourney said...

Honestly you look amazing. You have done so much this year, rebounded from some gains and kicked ass. As I have mentioned 100 times I LOVE your photography, but more I love your spirit.

Something that resonated w/ me was: "Going from feeling ultra fabulous, to self deprecating. Being sassy at lap-dance fitness class, to the automatic self-comparison to other, skinnier girls in class" --- I TOTALLY get this. I have gained 30lbs and i am incredibly happy w/ where I am in spirit. I wasn't when I was 30lbs lighter. So to lose these last bits AND be happy w/ where I am is going to be amazing. It won't just be about a weight, it will be about a whole frame of living/spirit/mind. Thank you for writing this, i think it brings up a huge thing that surprises people when they lose weight..they still..sometimes..have to work on their spirit.

Hugs..all the way around :)

M

MrsFatass said...

Beautiful. Inside out beautiful you are.

I miss you, Jenn. We've gotten so immersed in our crazy lives. I'm thinking vlogging will be in order for Fitbloggin. The Star-crossed pantsers finally meet.

MB said...

I love you too!

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

I'm sorry, but truth-in-advertising laws require you to remove the "ex" from your blog's title. You're simply a "hot girl".

Shanilie said...

Love it! I hope to participate some day. You look beautiful. I am new here and am now following. Please feel free to pop by my site any time. Id love a new follower.

http://losingoverhalfofme.blogspot.com/

helderheid said...

Short and sweet, WOW. You look incredible. I love the comments on the photo and couldn't agree more!

Lance said...

Jenny,
Your honesty here is so refreshing. I love what you have shared about the journey over the last year (and beyond). You have amazing beauty...and that is truly beauty that start from within and shine outward in very wonderful ways!!

Melanie said...

You truly are fabulous! Keep being you and keep loving you because you truly are that fantastic.

Ryan @NoMoreBacon said...

Love the photographer perspective on this. It just reminds me of how some people I know are ALWAYS the first to volunteer to hold the camera to avoid being in the picture. Good for you for stepping in and striking a pose!

Claire Dawn said...

Nice!

Taiko said...

Love your body girl.. Great achievement

Lindsey said...

Good for you! I'm going through the same thing right now.

Hopefully I'll find your happy ending!

Sandy said...

awesome post Jen. why are we women so damned hard on ourselves? you have accomplished an amazing goal. You look awesome and should be very proud of yourself.

Ruralmama said...

I nominated you for a bloggy award because I love your site so much. It's almost an unhealthy love, but just "almost"-LOL.

If you'd like your award, please pick it up here:
http://homeschoolontheedgeofnowhere.blogspot.com/2010/10/when-life-gives-you-shock-stop-rubbing.html

Thanks again for your awesome-nicity!

Angela said...

I really enjoy your blog! I love reading your entries and how you have come so far with your weight! I am going on that very same journey right now because I too am an ex-hot girl LOL! I am a mommy of 3 kids, and its my turn to put my body back where it belongs! I have a long journey ahead, but with stories like yours, I know its possible!! Thanks for your inspiration!

If you're, curious here is my blog:

www.runninbacktome.blogspot.com

Ellienor said...

I've been reading you for awhile. I think you're great. I love reading about your weightloss. I also love looking at your photography. You are SO talented! Congrats to you on all of your successes. I'm starting a new journey, today, in weightloss. I'm documenting it on my own blog. Check it out if you're interested:

www.fatflushing100pounds.blogspot.com

NYCPatty said...

Beautiful picture!

Beautiful you!

Congratulations!