Monday, February 22, 2010

Puffy Mc Pufferson. Bloat.

It happens every time.  I lose a fair amount of weight (20 pounds or more,) and all of a sudden, the switch that was switched to make me lose weight in the first place, switches back to "no rules!"  Before I know it I awaken from a year-long food coma knee-deep in pringles cans, crusty bowls that once held pots and pots worth of macaroni and cheese, and I have crumbs and frosting on my face.

Well, folks, I feel like I'm at the beginning of that downward slope right now and it's freaking me out.  You all need to kick my ass back into gear.  I hear too many compliments and it makes me complacent.

I ate well last week.  Then, the weekend came and dammit, I ate badly again.  At this moment, Dan is making pancakes.  I'm eating some when they're ready.  I already had two pop tarts this morning and a cookie.  Reasoning for this?  I'm going to the grocery store and I'll buy my good food and start over tomorrow.  So that, of course, means that I can take a bath in crisco tonight and that won't be a problem at all.

I'm still at 174.  And the other thing about all of this... is that being at 174 is one pound under 175 which is 50 pounds down from my high weight of 225 in July of 2009.  So I feel justified and a little safe to eat bad and screw up and screw around for awhile.

Of course I don't remind myself that I still have 20 pounds until I hit my goal weight.  I'm "okay" where I am.  It's "fine" because it's not "bad," and people still say I look "good."  It doesn't matter that I feel bloated and my ring is cutting back into my finger and my pants feel tight.  My face feels puffy and I don't feel proud of myself or good about myself.

So where is the action point?  I already don't feel happy about my actions and small weight gain back.  And yet, I'm continuing to eat bad today.  Will it be the same story next weekend?  Or will I kick it in the nuts once and for all?

The thing about the diet I'm on... it's Low Carb.  The reason it works so well is that your body goes into Ketosis.  You deprive your body of excess carbohydrates, and it goes to the fat reserves for energy.  That burns up your stored fat, and you lose weight.  The problem is that every time I put bread, pasta, chips, pancakes, fruit, sugar, whatever into my mouth... it basically HALTS my weight loss and my body has to start over at the beginning.  That's why this weekly cheating crap has to stop.  It makes all my week-long dedication worth practically nothing.  Add to that, when I'm on any kind of a diet, I do really REALLY well when I don't have any kind of cheat or taste.  We've talked about this before.  The reason they say one taste will kill you... is because it reignites your cravings.


Maybe this is the struggle I'll be dealing with the rest of my life.  Balls.



Jennifer said...

I love, love, love your blog & I adore how honest you are! Keep up the good fight!!

Unknown said...

I think once you hit the weight you want to be, then these types of weekends will be okay for you. You can have your fun, then get back on track for the rest of the week, and come out even.
But for NOW - if you want to lose more - then, yeah, I think your weekends will need to be a little "tighter". Maybe set aside one MEAL on the weekend to be free, rather than the whole weekend??

Unknown said...

You need to come up with real reasons why you want to be to your goal weight. Then let those kick the bad food to the curb.

However, if you are happy with the weight you are at now.. maybe you should just maintain that for awhile and then kick it back into weight loss mode when you are ready.

For me, I couldn't start losing until I had a real reason too. Just because I knew it was "bad." was not enough. I realized that I didn't want to be unhealthy. I didn't want food to run my life. Most of all I wanted to be able to shop at the stores I like (only carry up to size 12).

Also find things you like that are healthy. Then you will find yourself craving those instead of pop tarts and cookies :)

I hope this helps a bit! I know exactly how you feel.

my blog:

Tammy said...

I feel ya sister. I am struggling with the same problem. I've lost 55 lbs, and I look pretty good. I'm not fat's a huge difference. Yay, right? Well, not quite because, like you, I have some more to lose. The trouble is I am "allowing" myself more and more leeway with everything from food to exercise. I need a butt kicking too! I just asked one of my students, who wants to be a personal trainer, if she wants to use me to practice on. Win-win right? Hey, anything to get my ass in the gym and moving!

Victor Girl said...

This sounds oh so familiar. I hit a goal , then I am like well might as well just eat!! I don't know why my mind does not comprehend that if I have lost that weight from eating well, if I continue I will lose more. I don't know what the frick my issue is, but it is so frustrating!! Good luck getting off this slope! Stay strong girl, you are foinf so awesome!

bella said...

Don't worry! This is universal! You are not alone. I think this is something we just have to accept about being humans. We will have good weeks and bad weeks. Good days and bad days. I just hope it doesn't also extend to good months and bad months and good years and bad years. THAT's when I think you should worry. Until then, you are doing fine. Chin up.

Jordan E said...

This is so normal, I think. BUT, my advice is to workout. You can eat more carbs when you're burning more calories and then maybe you won't feel so deprived. I also am more inclined to eat healthier if I work out for some reason.

Anne said...

You will not always struggle this much, but you will always need to keep re-evaluating what you're doing at the moment. That's just to keep your head in the game, stay sane, keep momentum, whatever. Stay conscious of it. Keep writing. Don't let it slip away. It may be time for a different diet or a change in exercise plans or whatever. You'll figure it out. We're rooting for you and we're here for you!

BonusLonessMom said...

Whew! I thought it was just me that trips and falls on the weightloss journey. Must be the weather, or the time of year. Thanks for your honesty, it helps me to know i am not alone!

We can do this! Dont give up! :)

NJ said...

I'll be totally honest. As I read your blog I could see this coming. And why because I've been there enough times that I can recognize it. The last time that I got down to a "happy weight" I thought I'm here for good. I know how to do it and keep it there and I've conquered it. Then I was put back on 12 hour shifts and I tried to tell me the physical work would help keep the weight from coming back. Other's at work swear by it saying the lose weight when they work on the production floor. Truth is that the change was too much for me. I have to have a regular routine and working on the production floor I got lots of breaks and what do we do at because sometimes you don't know when that next break will be and 12 hours is a long the regimented exercise schedule was now shot and I just couldn't do it. And I put it all back more. Finally back on days for 7 years now I thought I'd take it off but this new job is erratic too and I don't always get out on time and then I'm ravenous...I've been able to step up the exercise this year and tone up a lot but really need to focus on the nutrition piece. It's hard I like my sweets and carbs...I think we just have to put our mind to it and remind ourselves how much we want this. It's a lifestyle change is what I keep saying. I think sometimes the low carb thing is too much deprivation to handle. Maybe trying a different plan would help at this point.

Kendra said...

It's never easy bounding back from a craving-induced-spiral...but you'll get there!

Just remind yourself that you've worked too hard and come too far to give it up! Essentially, these free weekends will turn into "oh I've only gained 5lbs back, no biggie"...and "hey 10lbs...I'm still under I'm fine"...and in the meantime you're just losing your mind and the next thing you know it'll be "shoot, I'm at 225 again...this sucks!"

So, I guess now is the time to kick it...take a look back at your before pictures and see if you really are okay feeling that way...chug a glass of water and hit the sidewalk!!! Sure, it's cold...but jumpstart something...

uberviolet said...

This is very familiar to me-- I've done it more times than I can count. I like to give myself a "free meal" or a "free day" once a week-- within reason. That being said, I'm now stuck at just under 174.

I love your blog, and I find it so inspiring! What about trying to maintain for a bit? Keep your weight at an interim goal to get a sense of how that feels? Or maybe it's time to switch up your diet plan a little--I always find low carb eventually leads to cookie binges for me.

I have no answers, because I'm stuck too. But I know you can get back on track. You can do it!

Vodka Logic said...

This is why dieting is so hard.. not to look down on drug/alcohol/cig addiction but you can survive without them. You can not survive without food. Relapse happens every day when you eat a meal, it is not going over board... wish I could follow my own advice.

Wendybob said...

as I was reading this post, I turned in my chair to throw away the Dr. Pepper can that I had just greedily drained while eating half a sleeve of saltine crackers. I had a "WHOA" moment when I noticed the contents of my office trash can. Dr. Pepper cans, paper plates galore, Little Debbie wrappers (that bitcH!). oh me, my dieting resolutions have gone by the wayside as well.

thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one who has F*** it moments and just eats whatever the heck I want even though I know it's wrong. We'll get back on track! If someone would come to my office and destroy the refrigerator and every can of Dr. Pepper that would be helpful.

Manda said...

Me too! I was doing so good and then a friend of mine came back into town this weekend and it all went to hell. I will be spending more time in the gym this week than previously anticipated. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

Maybe it is time you adjust your diet. I'm sure you know that a permanent change of diet is better than a temporary diet. You've lost a lot of weight so far and you're at a decent weight. Why don't you adjust your diet. Give yourself permission to eat some carbs. Decide when and how much you can eat them. That way, you won't have to cheat and it's be easier to follow your new eating habits. You may lose weight a little slower, but if you stick to it you'll reach your goal.
I used to weigh 67kilos. I went on a drastic blood type diet ( and lost 7 kilos in three months. Now I'm not as strict and I still manage to keep my weight stable. You can do it, too!

Crystal said...

Okay, I'm going to give you what you asked for.


I feel your pain though...every saturday I cheat. Usually not excessively and I'm still losing weight (I've only been dieting for a little over a month) but it still makes me feel bad. So I feel ya....I know you can do it though. :) You are one tough chick.

Rebecca Yale said...

I'm a long time reader, never commented before, but reading this I couldn't help myself. Dieting is so hard, and restriction diets like your on are the worst. If you continue down this path you will struggle with this for the rest of your life. I was once exactly where you are- I've lost weight, gained it back and lost again and gained back again its a vicious cycle that comes from not being in tune with your body. The vocabulary you use of "good" and "bad" and "guilt" will always create problems for you- if I may suggest a new approach you should look at the book Intuitive Eating by Elyse Resch, she is an amazing nutritional therapist who has changed my life and relationship with food. Take a look at this site, it may help. Its an amazing concept of listening to your body, eating when you hungry and being healthy. It will allow you to eat all the carbs you want- just only when your hungry- and you will lose weight. I really hope you do take a look, its an amazing concept.

Loving my Complicated Life! said...

Okay, I have not lost 50 pounds, but I struggle with the same obsession of doing well last week or yesterday means I can do whatever the hell I want today. I am sitting at 171 right now and I have been up and down for weeks. I think reevaluation is CRUCIAL! Maybe, just maybe the low carbs thing isn't the "thing" for you? Are you happy with your current weight? Who holds you accountable? You have tons of support on here, and you have encouraged so many. Look at the big picture, evaluate why you are doing it, face it, and do it! You rock Jen because you rock, not because of the weight you have lost or what the scale says! You can do it - those 20 pounds better watch out!

LMCL said...

You know the story. Low carb is a bitch but it works and that's why we love it. Cheat and all those cravings come roaring back. Go on induction/phase one again for the next two weeks. That will kill the cravings. And the only way you are going to get there is to kill the cravings. Then SLOWLY allow yourself to add in carbs again. What you are aiming for at this point is to find out where your carb threshold is. It will take a little experimenting and you need to keep a tight reign on the beast. Once you know what you can tolerate (and which foods are an absolutel no-no) you will have found your eating plan for life. This is not a diet. This is a lifestyle. You already know you can do this, so just do it.

Hope that helped a little. I love reading your blog, keep up the good work!

C said...

pop tarts? yuck. home made pancakes, well, maybe necessary. Why don't you pick one or two treats for the weekend? And make sure that combined they're no more than about 1000 cals? You need to be able to eat some things that you enjoy, but you can't just go nuts and eat everything in sight. Well, you can, but it will depress us all ....wah.

Greta from said...

If you are doing the ketosis thing...carbs will make you gain a lot of weight right at first because they get stored in your liver and muscles (as glycogen)....and then a corresponding amount of water gets stored with the glycogen. So...he weight is a lot of water. stop the pop tarts and such! That is likely freaking your nice ketosis body out! Maybe start easing back into some low glycemic carbs...veggies, brown rice, some fruit. I have done the very low carb thing and...which my initial results are always just does not seem like something I can do long term. I do about 100 grams of carbs a day now....which feels better to me than the ketosis thing. might be that you need to change it up a bit....but do so with logic...not pop tarts! :) bad day.....fine. Now it is time to get back at it. I TOTALLY know where you are at...because I am in my final 20 pound stretch, too. It SUCKS sometimes....but.....let's just DO IT and get er done!! Hang in there!

Julia said...

I hated reading this post. I''m sad that you are frustrated and wish I could help you. This is something that you need to grasp internally (change your mindset.)

Seriously Jenn, you can do anything - you know this. I believe this will be a life-long struggle. . . for all of us.

You are a major, major inspiration for so many of us. We are all here to support and love you.

Thank you for being real with yourself (and us!)

Let's get together for a NO CARB lunch/dinner sometime!



Unknown said...

I think the way to get back on the wagon is to have a really good workout.

Sweat yourself silly. Exercise until your muscles are screaming.

You'll feel better and you'll be more inclined to avoid the crapola.

Anonymous said...

Just the fact that you have lost 50lb's makes you my inspiration. I wish I had the will power to do what you're doing. I've been following you for a lil while and I know that you will jump right back that horse and back to you're good habits.

Also... what type of diet are you on, and where do you get the advice for food shopping? That has been my biggest problem.

The Insatiable Host said...

hey jen!! the fact that you are still maintaining within a decent range is great!!! again, wagons are high off the ground so we have something to fall happens but again I know you and you will be all over your control and will power soon. Take it in stride and don't fret...not matter what, we will always love you!!

have a great one!!


Loser Girl Jess said...

I did the same thing this weekend! Frick!

I eat really well when I am in charge of making my food, but eating out changes everything for me. And it's funny that you mentioned pancakes...because I made a huge one last night with chocolate chips in it, smothered in butter. And by last night, I mean at midnight.

I'm going to agree with others about the low-carb diet. I think you should continue to push yourself and achieve your goal, but maybe a "real-life" diet would be a good choice. Go for what works for you longterm, and up the exercise! Good luck!

Claire Dawn said...


What do you think you're doing? Are you going to throw away every thing you worked so hard for. Get your no-longer-humongous butt in gear!


(Now that's out of the way, I still luvz ya and thinks ya fantastic!)

-The Blogger Formerly known as Linguista.


Spilling Ink said...

All too familiar your dilemma. I think, when it comes to me at least, that the thinking is that once I lose all that weight I can eat all that good stuff again. Well no, because that's what got me fat in the first place.

I started asking myself what it is about the food that I like to pig out on and most of the time it's more habit than anything else. I'm used to using that kind of food as a reward. I realized that if I'm ever going to stay slim and healthy I'm going to have to reprogram myself. You know those annoying skinny people who tell you they eat what they want and just magically stay thin? Well they don't walk around wanting cake and icecream and nachos and burgers and candy and chocolate all the time.

So now I'm all about making my reward to me about being thin and healthy and looking good not about food. It will take time but I'll get there and then the change will be lasting.

Sozol said...


I just wanted to give you a little tip that worked for me. Well, thats actually an understatement, its more like "seeing the light".. :)

Anywho; I got this tip that it was about getting control over the internal struggle, "I want it/I can't eat it/ I crave it/I can't have it both, be skinny AND eat what I want/I can always start dieting tomorrow... etc", you probably know what I mean. This creates stress and makes the cravings worse. What you are suppose to do, and wich I found very helpful, is decide that there is NO CHOICE! There is only one way, and that is to stick to your diet. NO CHOICE!

This Little Girl Dreams... said...

WOMAN! I totally feel you on this post. In the summer I got all hyped up and displined and lost 10 lbs in 1 month and have currently been at 144 for like 5 months. I am proud of the fact that I haven't gained weight but am so frusterated that I haven't lost it either. And I too go into those eating frenzies! I just feel like a cheap ho after I pig out on food.

carla said...

I could go on and on about this too :) but Im trying to remind myself this isnt my blog :)

the short version is life is a marathon not a sprint and the ups and downs while they sincerely suck are part of the process.

FOR ME when Ive added back in processed anything (from pringles to poptarts) I tend to snackgraze far more out of an almost chemical craving.

I still add em in --- but am an informed consumer :)

Cristy said...

Low carb diets are hard. But if it works for you then keep up with it. I completely relate with you. I have been doing the same thing with my own diet. I am a Weight Watchers follower. But I have been eating outside my points allowance. I need to focus and get back on track. I have another 20/25lbs to go.

Just push threw. You can do it!

thecoghlans said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one with this problem. We've just got to stay strong & think about how good we feel when we don't indulge & cheat, especially after all that hard work getting it off. Keep up the great work because you look fantastic!

RHK said...

If you think you're alone in this one...wrong! Reading your blog felt as if I was talking to myself!!! I do really well & then go into a downward slump rolling into a big ball of bad bad carbs.

You've come a long way! And it's great work! Don't be too hard on yourself. You recognize your triggers which is part of the battle won. =)

Julie, The Wife said...

I'm a bad weekend eater too, and it sucks. And I love food. Your goal weight appears to be 150. You were at 168...getting OH SO CLOSE!!! Going up to 174 isn't that big a deal, unless it goes higher and your goal starts getting farther away, which will be f***ing depressing for you. YOU. CAN. DO. THIS. You've come so far already.

Why are there Pop Tarts in your house? Surround yourself with things that will support your goal. I'm in agreement with the person who commented that pancakes may not be so terrible, but Pop Tarts are. If they are Dan's, he should get his Pop Tart fix at work or in the car. I tell myself I am buying Oreos for the kids and then eat half the bag. If it's in the house, I will justify it's way into my mouth.

May the force be with you.

Amanda said...

Aww Jenn, its crazy but I feel the exact same way lately! Especially over this last weekend. I went away for the weekend and went nuts. I told myself before I left on my trip that I was going to try and control myself but as soon as I saw the beer dip and meatballs at the party I went to, I went nuts! I think I ate anything I could get my hands on. I swear, I was glued to the floor by the food table.

Everything's going to be okay though, we both can get through this little setback! The weather really doesn't help either, its just so depressing out there. I always get the winter blues this time of year. You still look amazing Jenn and should be so proud of yourself! None of this is going to hurt you in the long run because I know you can stick to your plan! Thanks for this post by the way, it really made me feel better today :)

Runnergirl said...

I've never tried the Ketosis route - purely because I know I would never manage to sustain it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. So - for having achieved that so far, I think you've done great.

However, the time has come to stop. None of this "I'll do it tomorrow", stop it NOW. Seriously, the sooner you start to get back on track, the sooner you'll start to see results and be on your way to knocking off that last 20lbs. It doesn't matter what other people say - if you want to get to goal then it has to come from you! Starting saying No to Carbs, and Yes to an even more gorgeous, slimmer You. Don't you owe it to yourself to finish the journey?

Arse-kicking over. And I shall now go and copy that word for word and hope I can stick to it!

You can do it, you know...

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

Oh balls.

You have rocked this shit before and you can and WILL do it again! Come on girl.

Anonymous said...

You just had what I consider the biggest breakthrough it all this diet business we all struggle with.

"Maybe this is the struggle I'll be dealing with the rest of my life. Balls."

Balls! Indeed because its true. I've been where you are. Heck for the last 6 months I've been holding my 25-27 lbs weigh loss. I've tasted everything and gone up and down within 5 lbs.

What I realized is that I was "practicing maintaining"...which is a good thing. Finally last week I gather all my new dieter details I could from when I first started Jenny Craig and started phase 2 of this journey. my weigh in is tomorrow so we will see how I did.

So when you are ready start over for the last leg of your journey. When you journey as much as us dieters do sometimes we need a rest. We are only human! :)

Kristy @Loveandblasphemy said...

All I can say is I TOTALLY RELATE! UGH!

un known said...

I heard once that when you're on low carb and go off plan even a little it takes 2 days of hardcore following to get your body back on the system. I would suspect a big splurge would take even longer to adjust.

Perhaps something to consider any time you opt to go eat something not within your acceptable foods.

Melanie said...

Oh the Low-Carb Hell! I know it well. I just finished (and failed) Phase I of the South Beach Diet. I lost 30 pounds in 2005 by doing this diet because I was strict about it. I was so laxidasical this time around, that it didn't quite work out for me.

My new motto: There is always the next meal to start over and be good.

Don't kick yourself during this blip in your diet. Just remember that one bad meal shouldn't ruin an entire day.

Lastly, I am very late in giving this to you, but I am passing on the Sunshine Award to you!!! To accept the award, read the latest post under my "Blogs Me Likey" label.

Just know that your blog is an inspiration to my weight loss goals (and lots of others). Even when you are struggling sticking to the diet we love to read it because it makes you that much more relatable. Your blog is truly appreciated!

Anonymous said...

I think the thing that motivates us so much when we start is that the PAIN of being where we are is more compelling than the COMFORT of staying there. You've gotten to a place where the pain isn't that bad, so it doesn't motivate you as much. So, you have to find different sources for that motivation and determination. Set it up so that you WANT to keep going, so that you're running TOWARDS something (goal, a new wardrobe, a trip, whatever motivates you) instead of AWAY from being fat. Cuz you're not anymore.

Unknown said...

You've been nominated for the creative writing blogger award!

Go here for details:

The Holwerda Family said...

Losing weight, sucks! But, you do look great. The low carb thing isn't ideal if you're looking to keep the weight off. I've tried it a bajillion times with no success and after regaining 100 lbs, I decided to do my own research on losing weight the right way. 68 lbs lost in 5 months and I'm definitlely not starving, check out my page sometime, chica I hope it helps a little. :)
incidentally my word verification is, whang. haha!

Melissa said...

Howdy! So I've nominated you for a creative writing award, check it out here!

Name Nazi said...

I want to provide you loads and loads of encouragement, but I struggle with this same problem so I don't know what to say. Basically, you are currently my hero for losing 50 pounds. And I know that's not exactly what you wanted to/needed to hear.

What I want to know is ... what are your foods? What do you eat on a day to day bases to sustain this sort of weight loss? What things do you go to all the time? I can't quite find a low carb diet that works for me because I don't like much of the high protein foods. But I can eat cottage cheese and tuna all day ... you suggested that before. So what else do you eat?

There you go. Great new, zero thought blog post idea. Go.


Anonymous said...

i see there are tons of comments on this post already, so somebody may have already mentioned this, scares me when people say there are doing a "low carb" diet. Your body NEEDS carbs. They are your body and BRAINS first source of fuel. When people come into Emergency ketotic, we treat them! Medically! It is serious business. Obviously i totally hear your struggle and can totally relate to this post in particular - you start feeling too good and then u get complacent - i hear ya. i live it too, but i just fear that these low carb diets give results fast,but are not a healthy, long term solution I would hate to see you head back to where you started once you reach your goal weight.

Kat said...

Oh it's hard! Weekends are my downfall between wine and wanting a snack. My problem is that my snack is not a handful of chips or small bowl of's a BAG of chips and a BOTTLE of wine...shame on me. I need to try to back off that on Saturdays so I can lose something instead of staying the same each week for three weeks! Good luck pulling yourself back up!

rachaelgking said...

That's what really gets me down. Knowing that I'll be fighting this battle til the day I die. Unless I get some disease that makes me skinny.


Kristin said...

Hello Hottie! I've been reading your blog for a while and I love it! I'm on my own weight loss journey - and I would like to think I'm making some progress.

I know low-carb can get pretty boring at times, and I've posted a lot of recipes on my blog that I've made over the last year if you want to check it out. But beware - I've got lots of desserts and bread on there too.

Abrunz said...

Hey Jenn, here is my helpful words of inspiration. Gym time. Get in and give me 3 sessions a week, 45 min sessions. Try the "spartacus" circut workout on mens health, I am doing it as part of my weekly regime and it is great because you choose your own Intensity level. Alternately, you can come to Germany and I will whip your butt into fighting shape Army-style. Keep up the good work killer.

Jaimie said...

Hey, Jenn, I've given you an award on my blog.

Also, the fact that you are recognizing what you are doing is the key to being able to stop it. You've caught the small snowball before it turned into a large snowball. If you're finding it hard to stick to a Low Carb diet, maybe there is something else you can try. After all, the plan should be something you would be okay following for the rest of you life.

Take care!

Unknown said...

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