It happens every time. I lose a fair amount of weight (20 pounds or more,) and all of a sudden, the switch that was switched to make me lose weight in the first place, switches back to "no rules!" Before I know it I awaken from a year-long food coma knee-deep in pringles cans, crusty bowls that once held pots and pots worth of macaroni and cheese, and I have crumbs and frosting on my face.
Well, folks, I feel like I'm at the beginning of that downward slope right now and it's freaking me out. You all need to kick my ass back into gear. I hear too many compliments and it makes me complacent.
I ate well last week. Then, the weekend came and dammit, I ate badly again. At this moment, Dan is making pancakes. I'm eating some when they're ready. I already had two pop tarts this morning and a cookie. Reasoning for this? I'm going to the grocery store and I'll buy my good food and start over tomorrow. So that, of course, means that I can take a bath in crisco tonight and that won't be a problem at all.
I'm still at 174. And the other thing about all of this... is that being at 174 is one pound under 175 which is 50 pounds down from my high weight of 225 in July of 2009. So I feel justified and a little safe to eat bad and screw up and screw around for awhile.
Of course I don't remind myself that I still have 20 pounds until I hit my goal weight. I'm "okay" where I am. It's "fine" because it's not "bad," and people still say I look "good." It doesn't matter that I feel bloated and my ring is cutting back into my finger and my pants feel tight. My face feels puffy and I don't feel proud of myself or good about myself.
So where is the action point? I already don't feel happy about my actions and small weight gain back. And yet, I'm continuing to eat bad today. Will it be the same story next weekend? Or will I kick it in the nuts once and for all?
The thing about the diet I'm on... it's Low Carb. The reason it works so well is that your body goes into Ketosis. You deprive your body of excess carbohydrates, and it goes to the fat reserves for energy. That burns up your stored fat, and you lose weight. The problem is that every time I put bread, pasta, chips, pancakes, fruit, sugar, whatever into my mouth... it basically HALTS my weight loss and my body has to start over at the beginning. That's why this weekly cheating crap has to stop. It makes all my week-long dedication worth practically nothing. Add to that, when I'm on any kind of a diet, I do really REALLY well when I don't have any kind of cheat or taste. We've talked about this before. The reason they say one taste will kill you... is because it reignites your cravings.
Maybe this is the struggle I'll be dealing with the rest of my life. Balls.